From The Mediaite Vault: Bill O’Reilly Brings Us All The Fun And Sun Of Spring Break ’89!

Welcome to the latest installment of our summer series in which we head back into the Mediaite Vault (*cough* the Internet *cough*) to find some choice moments showing our favorite media personalities back when their journalism hit a little less hard. Consider it meeting the press before they were the press. This week, we check in with Bill O’Reilly as he brings us the source of the great hairspray shortage of 1989.

Now we all know that the most famous video from O’Reilly’s eight year stint hosting Inside Edition is his classic Sting-inspired freakout, but it really shouldn’t be. Yeah, that video’s funny, but it’s really not that amazing. I mean haven’t we all seen O’Reilly yell plenty of times. He’s passionate about his work, stop the presses! What we haven’t seen, however, is O’Reilly present a video filled with painted on bikinis, drunk teens, hardcore making out, hardcore making out with a parrot, dry humping, wall to wall sex, and even Ted Lange from the Love Boat. Well, actually, we have seen Bill O’Reilly present videos like that before but we’ve certainly never seen him present videos like that before and then not condemn them! Until now!

This incisive piece is like three semesters of journalism school rolled into one. Everything you need to know about creating a compelling news report you can learn here. First, go where the story is; in this case, the sexy teen-filled shores of Daytona Beach. Next find a hook. That one’s easy, I did just say “sexy teen.” Just film them until your news show looks like the opening credits to the 1984’s Hardbodies. After that, get some awesome celebrities to keep people interested like The Bangles and Robbie Knievel, the stuntman whose well-known as everyone’s second favorite Knievel! Now you need some levity, so just tape a bunch of drunk idiots saying their favorite pick up lines. But we don’t want too much levity (this is a news show), so make sure to edit out any pick up lines that are in any way clever. And finally, make sure to throw in some halfhearted nonsense about commercialism so people don’t think you just put this together as an excuse to film girls in bikinis.

But if you really want proof that the Inside Edition producers behind this piece are journalistic geniuses, just check out the music. They clearly wanted some quintessential beach music but they didn’t want to pay for it. Simple! Just rip off the Beach Boys’ classic “Surfin’ USA” and slightly tweak the lyrics.

“Inside, outside
Inside Edition
The super, number one
Spring Break tradition”

Brilliant! You know, I’m pretty sure Brian Wilson was only a couple tabs of acid away from writing that as the lyrics to the original! The Inside Edition folks even went so far as to record a slow version for the clip’s end, where they equate “true love” with drunken grinding. How sweet.

So make sure to check out this video. It’s got everything Bill O’Reilly fans love! And it’s also got a whole bunch of stuff about Spring Break!

(via YouTube)