Spike TV’s Mock ‘Goodbye’ Rant on Twitter Is How Everyone Wants to Leave A Bad Job

Spike TV – more commonly known as the network where all your DVR’ed Cops episodes are from – is saying goodbye to the airwaves not with a whimper, but a bang.

The network’s Twitter outlet posted a fake “goodbye” rant from the point-of-view of a Spike employee slamming the network’s programming and telling stories of transgression while under contract:

Welp, since I’m outta here anyway I might as well tell you all the things I’ve been holding in for the past 18 years. Brace yourself bros. Shit’s about to get real. #GoodbyeSpike #SpikeUnfiltered

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

When we greenlit TNA we thought we were buying something entirely different… but wrestling turned out to be ok.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

I honestly thought catch a contractor was a show about STDs.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

I was extremely disappointed when Stripperella had no nudity. I aired that show solely based off the name and the potential for frontal. #GoodbyeSpike #SpikeUnfiltered

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

I hated all my logos, but this last one looks like a tattoo design from a rejected Ink Master contestant.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

I gave my entire staff empty gift cards as parting gifts because fuck them and their joy.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

I learned from COPS that the best way to get out of a speeding ticket is to have something illegal in the car. I’m not sure how you get out of that felony charge though. #GoodbyeSpike #SpikeUnfiltered

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

There’s a secret Half Pint Brawlers fight club in the sub-basement every other Thursday.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

We had a show called The Joe Schmo Show. Apparently every decent show name was taken.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

Writer Jason Nawara tweeted at Spike to get in on the joke, and Spike responded in kind:

One of my never fail pick up lines is "Hey, do you like cool shit?"… cause everyone likes cool shit. https://t.co/Z6cQQgkuZR

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

The Church of Scientology kicked ME out. Sit with that a moment.

— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018

They ended – for the moment – with a dig at their show “1000 Ways to Die”:

I never thought rebranding would be one of the 1000 ways to die. I’m out. PEACE!

— SPIKE (@spike) January 17, 2018

[featured image via Spike TV]

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