GOP Voters Reject Cawthorn in Win for Coke-Fueled Sexual Bacchanalia

Republican voters in North Carolina’s 11th congressional district denied Congressman Madison Cawthorn the GOP nomination after he sanctimoniously snitched on the alleged debauched sexual proclivities of the D.C. elite.

He was defeated by state Sen. Chuck Edwards.

Earlier this spring, Cawthorn claimed he’d been invited to orgies and saw politicos doing key bumps of cocaine “right in front” of him, which, if true, is an unquestionable sign that the eighties are back.

The freshman representative had made headlines for all the wrong reasons: he got into a shouting match with a Republican colleague on the House floor; he tried to bring a gun onto a plane; he showed up to a school board meeting to berate its members over a mask mandate; he called vaccine mandates “modern day segregation”; he cleaned his gun during a committee hearing over Zoom;  he was cited for driving with a revoked driver’s license; he claimed Nancy Pelosi is a drunk even though she doesn’t drink; he denounced Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky a “thug”; he tried to bring a gun onto a plane – again.

But Cawthorn’s most grievous sin was the last and most serious straw.

He mentioned cocaine-fueled orgies.

In March, Cawthorn said he’d been invited to one.

“The sexual perversion that goes on in Washington, I mean, being kind of a young guy in Washington, the average age is probably 60 or 70,” Cawthorn said, adding, “I look at a lot of these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life — I’ve always paid attention to politics — then all of a sudden you get invited to, ‘Oh hey we’re going to have a sexual get-together at one of our homes, you should come.’”

Cawthorn was aghast. “‘What did you just ask me to come to?’ And then you realize they’re asking you to come to an orgy.”

He added, “Some of the people leading on the movement to try and remove addiction in our country, and then you watch them do a key bump of cocaine right in front of you,” Cawthorn said. “And it’s like, this is wild.”

And with that, the Republican establishment mobilized against Cawthorn. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy said Cawthorn “lost my trust” and must “turn himself around.”

From there, Cawthorn was buried by an avalanche of leaks, presumably at the behest of a GOP establishment.

There were the photos of him in lingerie. Then came the video of him grabbing a staffer’s crotch. After that, it was a video of him nakedly “humping” a man.

What can be learned from this?

Dishing about orgies is bad politics.

Also, the password to gaining entry to said orgies is Fidelio.

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.