Colbert Nails Kushner for Plan to Focus Immigration on Skills, Not Relatives: ‘Really? You Don’t Want to Rethink That?’


In his opening monologue on Thursday, Late Show host Stephen Colbert talked Donald Trump‘s new plan to overhaul the legal immigration system, which was in large part put together by son-in-law Jared Kushner. Colbert nailed him with a line from the proposal.

“The new plan comes courtesy of professional daughter-husband Jared Kushner,” he said. He went right for the best joke immediately.

Reading from articles on the topic, Colbert said Kushner “wants to move immigration toward a merit-based system that would favor people with high-level skills, degrees, and job-offers, instead of relatives.”

“Really? Jared Kushner is really calling for an end to giving people special treatment because of their relatives?” said Colbert. “You don’t want to rethink that?”

Colbert said the “craziest part” of the plan is that it will “prioritize applicants who demonstrate something called ‘patriotic assimilation,’ meaning it would ‘favor people with an active interest in incorporating the nation’s culture and way of life.'” The audience groaned and gasped their disapproval at the phrase “patriotic assimilation.”

“Okay, our culture, and our way of life,” Colbert continued. “So if you’re going to want to stay here, you’re going to have to have strong opinions on whether Pillsbury cinnamon rolls come with enough frosting.”

“If you say they do, back on the boat,” Colbert joked. I mention this because many a truth is said in jest, and this is the truthiest jest ever. They do not have enough frosting.

The Danbury Baptist Association zinger was pretty good, too. But even though nailing Kushner on nepotis-ocrisy was the best joke, the closer was a laugh out loud in real life moment, too.

Colbert said that the plan wasn’t well received on the left or the right (and that’s true, after all Ann Coulter flipped out over it at least as much as Ilhan Omar did), and he read aloud and showed on screen a quote from Politico that described the plan as “Jared’s complete whiff.”

“Ah, this Father’s Day, give your man a whiff of Jared,” he said, pulling out a cologne bottle and spritzing. “Mmm, dangerously unqualified.”

Watch the clip above, courtesy of CBS.

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