50 Celebrities We Kinda-Sorta Jokingly Wish Were Actually Senators

Hawaii: Jason “Khal Drogo” Momoa
Game of Thrones actor Jason Momoa is from Hawaii. Therefore, Khal Drogo is from Hawaii. And libertarians should love him due to his stance on the gold standard.

Idaho: A Potato
There is literally no celebrity from Idaho who would be suitable for Congress. All their famous people are either dead, K-list celebrities, or Larry “Wide Stance” Craig, who blew his chance at being a Senator already. There’s Aaron Paul, too, and while we’d love to hear him say “No, I do not yield the remainder of my time, bitch” during a markup, the potato will probably get more personal fulfillment from the job.

Illinois: Sen. Barack Obama
Imagine: It’s 2005. Rising Democrat star Barack Obama has been sworn into office as the Senator from Illinois, and he’s youthful, full of vitality, and still looks like he cares about doing a job. “Will he run for president?” people whisper, as he spends years patiently, deliberately observing the Senate. He learns that oratory alone won’t eliminate problems. He sighs as Ted Cruz drives President Hillary Clinton insane with his perpetual brinksmanship.

Two paths emerge: He either learns a bit more about governance before he assumes the presidency, and navigates a hostile Congress with ease, or he realizes he’s not cut out for the rigors of the presidency, wisely chooses to remain a senator and, after two successful terms as a senator, announces his retirement from the Senate, takes up a chaired position at the University of Chicago Law School, and eventually is appointed to interpret the Constitution on the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals. In either future, everyone continues to love him, and no one’s hope and change-y dreams are dashed. (Hey, we said this was Fantasy Senate.)

Indiana: David Letterman
After decades as host of The Late Show, Letterman has to do something with his time once he retires. Why not Senate? (It’s not like he as a billion cars he can take care of.)

Iowa: Ashton Kutcher
Because why not, he manages to do everything else anyways.

Kansas: Paul Rudd
Paul Rudd’s reputation is such that people can see someone who looks like him performing a good deed, instantly assume that it is him, and think he’s saving people’s lives. Perfect for the job.

Kentucky: George Clooney
If the ever-political George Clooney ever decides that yes, he would like to pretend that he is from Kentucky again, we see no Ashley Judd-style opposition standing in his way. They’d all swoon before him.

Louisiana: Archie Manning
Yes, he’s a beloved, legendary quarterback whose DNA was used to create two NFL stars, but more importantly, he’s independently wealthy from all that football — meaning no one can bribe him. (This is an actual problem in Louisiana.)

Maine: Scott Brown
Did you know that Scott Brown, current GOP Senate candidate for New Hampshire, is also a Mainer? It’s true! He was born in Kittery, a.k.a. outlet store heaven, lived in New Hampshire for a bit, and moved to Massachusetts with his mother as a child. If New Hampshire doesn’t work out, then “Brown 2018: Let’s Gain in Maine!”

Maryland: David Simon
He knows Baltimore, man; he gets it. Yeah there’s other stuff in the state, but THE WIRE, man. Greatest TV show ever, except maybe Breaking Bad. As for whether he could handle Senate stuff, well, uh… something something The Wire?

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This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.