Five days into the new decade and David Brooks, in what sounds like an alternate preamble to Beyond the Thunderdome, is predicting that it will be known as the Tea Party Teens. Why? Tea Partiers are the natural successors to hippies and feminists, of course.

It’s a New Yecade, which means submissions to the Mediaite Census map have now closed. The map tracked our readers’ moves between 2000 and 2010 — 17,000 kilometers from Great Britain to Australia or moves of less than two miles within a single city — all combined to provide some fascinating data about our readership, and where, exactly, you’ve all been — and why you left. Check it out.

New Year’s resolution: More columns about cyborgs for Mediaite. Learn Wordpress. And maybe get a black belt in Karate…and maybe a dog.

I have inadvertently learned a lot about cyborgs by becoming one recently. It started when I damaged my right eye after shooting a pile of cow crap with a shotgun when I was nine. Over the years the eye got worse and I ended up getting it removed four years ago. Yes, I have seen A Christmas Story and, yes, Ralphie’s mother was right –- you’ll shoot your eye out. And now, I would now like to break down the 10 best cyborgs of the decade:

Last night, Jennifer Lopez performed on “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” in a sparkly, skintight, sorta see-through bodysuit that covered her top to toe but left little to the imagination — so you can imagine that the focus today is not on her rendition of “Louboutins.” But for me, the focus is on how awesome J.Lo is, because she invented that schtick — and as such, was a hugely influential figure in the past decade. Call her “Jenny From The Aughts.”

I’m 16 years old, and I created an international news story from my room. Ten years ago, I would have had a hard time getting people’s attention at the local barbershop, let alone getting on the Washington Post.

What do we call this next decade? We’ve got to think ahead on this — because so far, there’s been no consensus. The example set by the media in the next few days will be a critical one. Whether it’s Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark on “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” or Anderson Cooper on CNN, anybody who’s on the air this week will have to figure out how to react to the number 2010.

I say, let’s call it “Twenty-Ten.”

If the 60s were the decade in which Bob Dylan showed how rapidly he could evolve, every subsequent decade illuminated puzzling and contradictory sides of his talent and persona (family man, arena rocker, born-again Christian, hit-or-miss songwriter). By contrast, the Aughts were a decade in which Dylan stuck mostly to one character and one sound — though still unpredictable, he gave us hints, at least, into the mystery.

All The News That’s Fit To Print used to be about picking what readers should see and know, and now readers are not only deciding for themselves, they’re making the content themselves, too. That is what you think when you look through some of the 667 reader images the NYT selected to showcase this decade, and impart its events and its impact.

I’ll take any decade over one in which the mention of being Latino prompted immediate “Livin’ la Vida Loca” (1999) jokes or (worse) someone trying to dance the “Macarena” (circa 1996). As far as artificial time measurements go, the Aughts had an easy chance of beating the Nineties in terms of Latino cultural penetration into [...]

Malls are retail newspapers. They are professionally curated assemblages of commercialism, vulnerable to simple tools that get the job done more specifically and rapidly. Nowadays, it’s far easier and more personalized to fulfill a shopping list online, putting together your own virtual mall from which you buy only what you’re interested in, skipping over the online equivalents of Cinnabon and the sunglasses kiosk. Not to mention parking.

How did people act during The Aughts? Well, they were snarky. Sometimes dead? And gay! But almost all of it happened online, according to a Harris Interactive poll which put weekly internet usage at a whopping 13 hours in 2009. That’s almost twice as many hours as in the year 2000.

Remember, early on in this innocent decade, when it was a big deal when Bill O’Reilly started criticizing rap music? Now, it seems to happen all the time. For someone opposed to the immorality and hedonism that he sees embraced in rap lyrics, O’Reilly knows how to start a hip-hop-style feud with some of the big names in the industry, including Ludacris, Nas, and Cam’ron. Eight notable beefs between O’Reilly and rappers, starting off with Ludacris (semi-NSFW):

It may or may not come to pass that 2009 was the year “real” journalism died (at least as we’ve come to understand the definition). Despite the plethora of hard news stories in 2009: the inauguration of our first black President, the economic collapse, health care reform, the Iran election, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc., it does feel like all the big news stories we actually recall in our year-end lists have been a bit…hollow.

Now that 2009 is slowly, finally coming to an end, Sarah Palin is getting her comeuppance in the inevitable end-of-year lists. Sort of. Yesterday Politifact.com, a fact-checking website, selected “death panels” as its number one lie of the year: “Of all the falsehoods and distortions in the political discourse this year, one stood out from the rest.” Last night Lawrence O’Donnell tried his best to create and entirely new catchphrase for Palin: Palinocchio.

The New York Post has listened to my cry for a covers archive! Sort of. The Post is currently running a feature on its website allowing you to vote for you favorite New York Post cover of the decade. Talk about an embarrassment (sometimes literally) of riches.

Starting with John Updike’s January death, 2009 has been widely decried as the Year of the Celebrity Death. But an in-depth examination tells a different story. Behold: The Decade’s Deaths, by the Numbers.

Stephen Colbert, host of The Colbert Report, had on the former anchor of NBC Nightly News Tom Brokaw, as his guest last night. While the two were discussing the highs and lows of the previous decade, Colbert shared his opinion on the both the current state of civility in public discourse, and what those who disagree with him can do with his “man-sack”.

As you may have heard, Gawker was recently named the blog of the decade by Adweek, which proclaimed it “the template for what a blog should be.” Leaving aside the question of “should,” Gawker has set the template for what the blogs of this decade aspire to be. Gawker Media was founded in 2002. In those seven years, its founder Nick Denton has built an empire, and forever changed the game, how it’s played — and who gets to play it.

As the decade we’ve dubbed The Aughts winds to a close, many magazines are celebrating with giant interactive features that attempt to encapsulate ten years of tragedy, victory, controversy and beyond. But to praise (or denounce, right Time?) the end of the decade with a magazine cover is truly a special sort of honor — and oddly enough, it’s rare. So far, not too many titles have given the early 2000s the newsstand treatment, so we figured for the final edition of Cover Wars this year (and this decade!), we would celebrate those commemorating The Aughts. See you next year, but first, click inside to see the winner!

A lot can happen in a decade — and it can happen all over the place. We thought that this was a good time to think about where we’ve lived in this past decade, specifically where we started and where we ended up. Hence the Mediaite Migrant Map: our brand-new interactive map showing the moves of visitors to this website (you!) over the past ten years. Add your own!

With the end of the year, the end of the decade, and the end of President Obama’s first year in office all fast approaching there is likely to be a bit of a battle of the listicle coming our way. The Washington Post is putting its own spin on Obama’s many, many presidential speeches and has created a searchable online database, which allows readers to search by issue to get available transcripts and video. It also boasts a tag cloud of words used the most. Any guesses?

Few of us, we are all pleased to report, look the same way we did ten years ago (with some notable exceptions). Likewise our favorite brands — the past ten years provided a surfeit of logo redesigns, each documented, critiqued, lambasted and praised on the internet. Here are a few of the makeovers we’ve seen in the last decade.

This decade, what changed everything was the development of what has been called “Web 2.0″, the collection of web-based applications that foster interactivity, modular interoperability and collaboration. These include social networking sites, wikis, aggregators, and blogs, along with dozens of other applications that allow people to share and revise content at will. This is what underwrites the open-source, multiple-drafts, reuse/remix/recycle media ecosystem we might as well call Culture 2.0.

Just as great men stand on the shoulders of giants, so too is history built on what came before. This now-elapsing decade — The Aughts, or whatever you want to call them — has been a decade of change not only compared to the decades before it, but because of them. Perhaps that’s why now, more than ever, it’s important to remember how we got here.

Author Christopher Buckley marks the eighth anniversary of author Joseph Heller’s death by wondering what his friend would have made of the “tumultuous — to say the least — decade” that he “missed, or perhaps another way to put it, avoided.” Perhaps at the very least Heller could have given a name to what we are now calling the Aughts.