Bill O’Reilly Does Epic Segment On The ‘War On Christmas™’
Every December on The Factor, with his strong Christmas sense, Bill O’Reilly will kick off his Christmas defense. For the War Upon Christmas comes but once per year, and it fills the Fox hallways with holiday cheer. Today on his program, O’Reilly defended the holiday from secular-progressives who have fought hard to end it. O’Reilly declared, “for the last 15 years” he’s stood up for Christmas and all of its cheers.
Once upon a time, people would say “Happy Holidays!” as they would from day to day. And no one would care and all would be merry, while drinking their eggnog and whiskey and sherry. But then, one day, Bill said, “This sets me ablaze! Why do pinheads use such an insulting trite phrase?” And so, the War on Christmas™ began, and today Bill stood up for the jolly red man.
RELATED: Gretchen Carlson Competes With Bill O’Reilly For Title Of Christmas’ Bravest Defender
Why, a school district in Texas had the gall to suggest that they… BAN SANTA! No, this is no jest! And district spokesman Clint Bond (also known as “the Grinch”) justified such un-Christmaslike practices in a pinch: to make boys and girls of all background feel good, there’d be no Saint Nick. It was not understood. And what of Rhode Island, where Governor Chafee said a holiday tree was more inclusive and safe…y? Well, Bill found his words so “amazingly dumb” you would think he saw Chafee just sucking his thumb. O’Reilly thought Chafee not only lacked sense, but his comments in public were of great offense.
But Bill could not fight the good fight all alone, and consulted with experts so that he could hone on the core of the problem of sorts in Fort Worth and if they were insulting the day of Christ’s birth. Lawrence Walters chimed in, and said that the rule was violating First Amendment rights at the school.
“So long as it’s not interfering with the classroom instruction, so long as there’s no problem caused in the classroom with their teaching, they should be able to do it.”
But Jennifer Brandt, buzzkill of the night, insisted that yes, the school district was right. She stated her case, opposed by the throng:
“Larry and Bill, you’ve got this one wrong. Because the school isn’t infringing on the First Amendment rights of these children, it’s merely establishing some reasonable limits to allow for education of the children, ’cause that’s what they’re their for. And to prevent alienation of any other children.”
RELATED: Chicago Anchorwoman Forced To Apologize After Saying On Air That Santa Isn’t Real
Ol’ Bill wouldn’t have it, and called it a “ruse.” They devolved into shouting, but without any booze. ‘Tis a federal holiday, Ol’ Bill proudly said, and any man who says else is a classic pinhead. And so, with Christmas Day saved once again, O’Reilly retired to his cozy Fox den.
Watch the video below, courtesy of Fox News:
This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.
