Colbert’s Cartoon Anchors Brutally Mock Simone Biles Haters: Dropping Out Was Unacceptable in ‘My Entire Semester of JV Cross Country’

The cartoon anchors of Stephen Colbert’s Tooning Out the News went after Simone Biles’ detractors on Wednesday, mocking them for their harsh critiques despite their presumable lack of athletic credentials.

While interviewing Rep. Marc Veasey (D-TX), fictional anchor Kylie Weaver, voiced by Maureen Monahan, addressed Biles’ decision to withdraw from multiple events at the 2021 Tokyo Olympics in order to focus on her mental health.

Weaver cracked that the decision shocked “couch jockeys who can’t see why attempting maneuvers where mistakes render you paraplegic to impressive judges who underscore you to prevent blowouts in a sport that routinely vilifies Black American women might be kind of a mind fuck.”

“Please do the Olympics! Pleeeaaaseee. Just do it — it will take maybe one minute. That’s less time than it would take to microwave a burrito,” she added. “Ugh, love burritos. Nom nom nom nom nom.”

After Veasey showed support for Biles, Virtue Signal correspondent Otter Lin, voiced by Otter Lee, delivered his own assessment of the gymnast’s decision to step back from the competition.

“Her decision stunned me because when I was an athlete, ducking out of competition was something I never considered in my entire semester of JV Cross Country, which I joined to stalk a cutie,” said Lin.

Watch above, via YouTube.

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