Late Night Hosts Tackle the Return of Trump’s Coronavirus Briefings and Portland’s Secret Police 

Late night hosts Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Trevor Noah tackled the return of President Donald Trump’s coronavirus task force briefings and the descent of unmarked federal police in Portland, which Noah called “less like democracy and more like an episode of Narcos.”

Colbert started his monologue by addressing Trump’s briefings, calling it the “reboot nobody asked for: Dirty Grandpa 2020.”

“The first briefing was scheduled for after I taped tonight’s show so I haven’t seen it yet,” he added. “So no one tell me which household chemical he drinks this time!”

The host then mocked the president for bringing his briefings back without the medical and health experts, noting that many are likely to only feature Trump.”So instead of getting the old band back together, we’re just going to get a daily performance of Trump’s solo project: ‘The Bleach Boy,’” he quipped.

Colbert later addressed the “nameless federal storm troopers” that have been firing tear gas at protesters in Portland this week, calling it unconstitutional.

“Local officials aren’t happy,” he noted. “Oregon Governor Kate Brown complained, ‘We cannot have secret police abducting people in unmarked vehicles. I can’t believe I have to say that to the president of the United States.’”

“Really, you can’t believe that?” Colbert asked. “Cause it’s just one of a long list of other things you shouldn’t have to say to the president of the United States, like, ‘Frederick Douglass is dead,’ ‘Don’t inject bleach’ and ‘You can’t date your daughter.’”

Colbert then played a mock Sex and the City episode, during which the secret police descended on New York City, and Carrie “couldn’t help but wonder: if I have secrets, am I the police?” before she was put into an unmarked van.

Fallon pointed out that the president’s coronavirus briefing is the first in almost three months, joking, “or as that’s known in Trump time, about 82 tell-all books.”

The host quipped that at least the briefings would be short, considering they’re meant to focus on Trump’s accomplishments throughout the pandemic.

“The briefing got off to a rough start when Trump asked the press, ‘Ok, what did I miss?'” Fallon mocked.“This is like Samsung bringing back their exploding Galaxy phone.”

“I’m excited the briefings are back, ‘cause I just want to see what kind of treatments Trump comes up with on the spot,” he added before mimicking Trump: ‘Have we tried canceling the virus? Can we get it canceled on Twitter? #CoronavirusOverParty”

Noah exclusively focused on the police in Portland, claiming that it “sounds less like democracy and more like an episode of Narcos.”

“Unidentified soldiers throwing protesters into an unmarked van on the streets of Portland? Like, I don’t care who you are, nothing good has ever come from an unmarked van,” he added. “It’s never like, ‘Get in the van! Get in the unmarked van! We’re going to Disney World!”

Noah then suggested that every person in America dress up in camo to keep everyone safe after pointing out that it is currently difficult to tell the difference between getting arrested and getting kidnapped.

“I don’t know if you noticed this,” he added. “But in America, random dudes walk around in camo gear holding guns all the time.”

Watch above, via Youtube.