A Guy Live Tweeted His Insane Late-Night Trip to McDonald’s and the Internet Is Calling BS
Maybe you’ve heard whispers of the McDonald’s milkshake story today. Maybe you saw a headline or a retweet and wondered about it for a minute, but didn’t get to really investigate. Well, guess what? I’m here to walk you through the whole thing. That’s what I do.
First of all, remember Zola? This is like the Zola thing, but instead of trapping and kidnapping, this is all about making out and eating apple pie. Honey, that’s no euphemism; the guy narrating this story on his Twitter was forced to buy two apple pies.
Behold, Josh Raby, who, up until today, was best known for this.
It’s 1AM and I decided I wanted a milkshake. So there’s a McDonald’s near my house. I’m greeted at the drive thru by the following sentence:
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
“Hey holy shit hello, you are at McDonald’s, and I am begging your patience.”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
There are no other cars here, by the way. I’m caught off guard so I mumble “Um, ok you can have it.”
The voice comes back:
“Praise you.”— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Raby explained that he then tried to order his milkshake.
He is gone for several minutes. When he returns he says flatly “we aren’t going to be able to do the milkshake. I do have many apple pies.”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Do not ask me why I did this but the next words out of my mouth were
“Are you ok”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
“I am not ok. Would you please tell me your order so I can try to punch it in? I will be very slow, but I will get it.”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Next, Raby ordered a chicken sandwich. This happened:
At one point I guess he gave up because the screen just went black for a while.
I hear a deep exhale.
“Dude I lost my wife”.
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
“I’m sorry, man, I-”
“Please describe your chicken sandwich to me again so I can succeed at one thing.”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
He felt bad and ended up ordering an apple pie from the guy.
Then there is a weird series of beeps and when his voice comes back in he is fucking SCREAMING into his headset:
“I FOUND HER! THANK GOD!”— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
“What? Who did you find?”
“MY WIFE. SHE WAS WATCHING ME FROM BEHIND THE BOXES!”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
The exchange got weirder. Eventually, the wife made an appearance:
So he says “your total is 8 HOLD ON my wife is here and she wants me to tell you she will sell you 2 apple pies at a discount”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
After he agreed to take the two pies, getting himself a $.38 discount, he pulled around to see them making out in the booth.
They unstick themselves from one another and I hand him my card “sorry about this. I haven’t worked at McDonald’s in 16 years” he says
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
I say “it’s fine” to which he says “FINE just stands for FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, and ERROR-PRONE”
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
His wife cackles and says “I knew that when I was 13, get with it, man!”
I have been here 37 minutes.
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
So listen I get my card and drive ahead to the next window and THERE IS A WHOLE SEPARATE FUCKING HUMAN AT THAT WINDOW
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
He hands me my bag, leans out the window and says "you get to drive away" then promptly shuts the window and sits on a stool, head in hands
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
My chicken sandwich was wrong, by the way
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Raby later tweeted evidence of his story:
To all the online publications asking me to confirm this dumb story I respectfully submit the following pic.twitter.com/arDMusgUwi
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
If you don’t believe him, don’t feel bad; you’re not the only one.
Y’all I am getting Facebook messages from milkshake truthers
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
HOUSE OF CARDS SHIT IS HAPPENING IN MY MESSAGE REQUEST FOLDER RIGHT NOW pic.twitter.com/QISqXDNpT2
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Finally:
Local McDonald’s owner disputes @JoshRaby‘s milkshake story. “Too crazy to believe” https://t.co/AUsKKXbv4F
— The Leaf-Chronicle (@LeafChronicle) April 11, 2016
So, do you believe him? Are you waiting to see the tape? Remember, that doesn’t always work out.
[image via screengrab]
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