Man Arrested for Getting Nasty with ATM, Picnic Table

It was a hot, sticky night in Tennessee when Lonnie Hutton, a randy 46-year-old man, rolled up to the Boro Bar and a gorgeous, glowing ATM caught his eye. The ATM was asking for him, begging him, to press its buttons, slide his debit card into its reader, and deposit cash all over him.

Lust and/or a cocktail of illegal hallucinogens and alcohol drove him wild, and soon, police were called to arrest a man having animal sex with an ATM.

Okay, we’re done trying to write jokes about this, so we’ll let WKRN take over:

Responding officers found Hutton, still nude from the waist down, walking around the bar, thrusting his hips in the air.

Officers took Hutton outside and told him to sit at a wooden picnic table.

The report stated he “exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table.”

…yeah, we can’t come up with a way to sexualize a picnic table, either. NOR DO WE WANT TO.

[WKRN]
[Image via Shutterstock]

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