Read this story that Heidi Cruz told at the recent town hall — the same one during which we learned that her husband, Ted Cruz, has been filmed in underwear and a pink boa — right now. Just do it. Just read this:
When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself and I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything! This was shocking to me so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup! We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”
So the next morning — it was a weekend morning — I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again.
What does “I’ll be making things” even mean? “You won’t be making things”? What? She called her mom to talk about the 100 cans of soup? What? This was really that big of a deal at all? What?
The delivery is what makes it, though, because this woman — First Lady hopeful that she is — tells the story like she thinks it will drive home how relatable and zany her family is.
— CNN Politics (@CNNPolitics) April 14, 2016
This isn’t relatable and zany, though. Not even close. Here, watch Trevor Noah talk about Cruz’s “unlikeability” and reference this crazy story with a simple, “Who is this man?”
Then, watch him show us what 100 cans of soup really looks like. Now, imagine a young Ivy League-educated Ted Cruz dragging bags of soup into and out of his apartment. What?
We have absolutely no reason to be surprised, though. He already told Us Weekly that he has “dozens” of cans of soup in his pantry last month.
[image via screengrab]
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