University Of Colorado To Now Segregate Gun-Owning Students Into Special Gun Dorms
As anyone who’s spent time in or around a college knows, different dorms tend to officially or unofficially be for different types of students. There the party dorms, the honor dorms, the artsy dorms, the gay dorms (also known as the artsy dorms), so on and so on. Now, though, we can add a new type to that list; the University of Colorado’s gun dorms!
According to the Denver Post, two of the school’s campuses (the University of Colorado at Boulder and the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs) will be adding special residential areas for students, 21 and older, who have permits to carry concealed weapons. The school has been forced to remove their gun ban after a Colorado Supreme Court ruling. Because college kids need their guns. I mean, now that they all have one iPad instead of five textbooks, there’s so much extra room in their bags. What else would they put there?
Students with permits will be allowed to stay in regular dorms, but they will not be allowed to keep their guns there. Students in the gun dorms will keep their weapons in safes when not carrying them. And no one will be allowed to bring guns to school football games or social events.
And now, using my amazing psychic skills to predict a conversation that will happen every day at these schools in the coming years:
COLLEGE DUDE: Hey, babe. Want to come to a cool party?
SEXY CO-ED: Sure! Where’s it at?
COLLEGE DUDE: Brady Dorm.
SEXY CO-ED: Wait…isn’t that the gun dorm?
COLLEGE DUDE: Yeah…
SEXY CO-ED: Um, I’ll pass.
COLLEGE DUDE: Hold on. The Constitution grants me the right to carry a gun. I use it to protect myself and my loved ones. I am trained in its use and respectful of its powers. Who are you to look down on me and centuries of American gun rights?
SEXY CO-ED: I’m not looking down on you. I just don’t want to hang out with a bunch of drunk idiots carrying handguns. No, I’m going to go to my dorm and get high because Colorado legalized weed in November 2012.
COLLEGE DUDE: Hmmm. I think I’ll join you. I’m a college student and, therefore, sex and drugs are way cooler than any gun could ever be!
SEXY CO-ED: Hooray!
It is, as of yet, unknown whether the university will be adding those sweet swinging doors from old west saloons to the dorms.
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org