“This is like the dress if the dress were a man setting his crotch on fire,” mused Sam Reisman after J.D. Durkin and I had both watched the following video about three times each. J.D. was so horrified that he stood up out of his chair. Sam asked if I’d like to write this piece since I’m the only one who can do it objectively.
I took on the challenge because you — yes, you — need to see this right now. In short, some guy thinks he is slick and wants to demonstrate how to light a cigarette using flaming liquid. He ends up torching a rollie of a very different type and somehow, incredibly, his mom comes out of nowhere and starts walloping him right between the legs.
This is infinitely better than any stupid Vine of someone making smoke rings or blowing vape smoke to the beat of some EDM song because this one ends with our hero getting swatted in the nethers by his mother. The best part of all of this is that the guy was trying to look soooo cool lighting his cigarette while his mom was apparently just off-screen. What do you suppose she was thinking? “Ugh, here’s my dumb kid making another smoking video in my house. Why can’t he do something with his life? Where did I go wrong?”
So, here you go, courtesy of break.com. Watch with the volume up and be grateful it’s not you. No matter what you do today or in the future, no matter what idiotic behavior you’ve gotten up to in the past, you probably never lit your junk on fire trying to make a douchey video for the Internet, so go you.
[image via screengrab]
Have a tip we should know? email@example.com