The Late Show Previews the Next Virginia Politician Scandal: ‘We Ate a Drifter Who We Boiled in a Cannibal Cookpot’


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on Thursday satirized the almost-beyond-satire state of affairs in the state of Virginia this week. After multiple Democrat leaders in the state became embroiled in major scandals over a matter of days, it’s hard to think of a fictional next shoe to drop that would top what’s already gone down.

But Stephen Colbert and his writers were able to do it.

In the format of their fake news feed (LSSC News), the show on Thursday opened with a clip from the actual news about the scandals that began with CNN’s Jim Sciutto saying “the future of Democrat leadership” is in question. It then cut to their guy: a “Virginia politician” giving a press conference.

“As the accounts payable clerk at the Virginia Capitol building, I am 132nd in line for the Virginia governorship,” the skit began. “But knowing how fast Virginia politicians are dropping to scandals, I wanted to get ahead of a story from my past.”

“When I was in college, a few friends and I dressed up as witch doctors for a frat party. It was an old tradition that we started that year. And because of our ignorance and glib attitude,” he said, “we…ate a drifter, who we boiled in a cannibal cook pot.”

Mocking the previous apologies and pressers in the state, particularly that of Democratic Gov. Ralph Northam, the fictional pol continued. “In retrospect, I see how horrible my actions were,” he said. “I apologize to everyone I’ve hurt, especially the person I ate. I will use this experience to grow and I promise to never, ever do it again.”

A fake reporter asked “would you eat someone now?”

“Oh now? Um — I — uh –” he said before leaning over to whisper with his wife.

“My wife says inappropriate circumstances,” he said, borrowing from Northam’s moonwalk moment. “Plus I don’t have any ketchup.”

Watch the clip above, courtesy of CBS.

[Featured image via screengrab]

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