We Regret to Inform You That Tucker Carlson’s New Special Does In Fact Promote ‘Testicle Tanning’

The promo for the new season of Tucker Carlson Originals incurred a veritable tsunami of mockery online for its montage of mostly shirtless men firing guns, wrestling, doing push-ups, swinging axes — and one stark naked fellow who was standing in front of some sort of machine that projected a red light onto his crotch.

Mediaite can now confirm that, yes, Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson’s new special, “The End of Men,” does in fact promote “testicle tanning” as a way that men can raise testosterone levels.

Here’s the promo video, in case the visual cortex of your brain has not yet been irrevocably scarred from viewing it. The chap getting his precious bits toasted appears right away, around the 8 second mark.

I promise you are not prepared for Tucker’s latest montage pic.twitter.com/8tdvYTW2cn

— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) April 16, 2022

Carlson — who stopped wearing his trademark bow tie after Jon Stewart brutally teased him about it on a 2004 Crossfire episode — is highly concerned about what he refers to as the “total collapse of testosterone levels in American men,” and it seems this new program will cover some possible remedies. The machine pictured in the promo video is not a “penis charger” or a man copulating with an electric charger for a Tesla, as some Twitter users had joked, but apparently some sort of “red light therapy” that is intended to be directed upon the testicles.

A newly released clip from “The End of Men” featured Carlson interviewing a man in a black polo shirt identified as “Andrew McGovern, Fitness Professional” about the practice of sunbathing the southern regions.

“If you want to optimize and take it to another level,” McGovern said, “expose yourself to red light therapy–”

“Yes,” Carlson interjected, “which is testicle tanning.”

“It’s testicle tanning,” McGovern agreed, “but it’s also full body red light therapy, which has a massive amount of benefits. And there’s so much data out there, that isn’t being picked up on or covered.”

“So, obviously, half the viewers right now are like ‘What?! Testicle tanning, that’s crazy!'” said Carlson, “but my view is, OK, testosterone levels have crashed and nobody says anything about it, that’s crazy, so why is it crazy to seek solutions?”

“It’s not crazy to seek solutions,” McGovern replied, mentioning that he had recently heard of the term “bromeopathy,” presumably a play on the word “homeopathy” — alternative medicine, but, like, you know, for dudebros.

“I think there’s a lot of people out there right now that don’t trust the mainstream information,” McGovern said at the end of the clip.

In a separate clip from a subsequent episode of the show, Carlson discussed this “bromeopathic” therapy with Kid Rock, who was far less enthusiastic about the idea.

“Dude. Stop, stop.” the musician interrupted Carlson before he could even ask a question. “Dude, stop. Testicle tanning? Come on!”

“Open your mind!” replied Carlson with a laugh.

Kid Rock joked that “Testicle Tanning” would be a good name for a punk rock band.

Carlson was undeterred by the mockery, asking him again, “Don’t you think at this point, when so many of the therapies, the paths they’ve told us to take, have turned out to be dead ends that have really hurt people, why wouldn’t open-minded people seek new solutions?”

“I don’t know what the hell’s going on in this world,” Kid Rock retorted. “I’m not even sure if I understood that question. Some days I just want to stop this planet, let me off.”

Mediaite reached out to Fox News for comment but did not receive a reply.

[Your friendly neighborhood Mediaite contributing editor feels compelled to point out that we are not able to verify the medical safety of a “testicle tanning” device, or even precisely what kind of light it’s emitting, but as a general rule, sun exposure can cause problems like premature aging and skin cancer. Wear sunscreen and get medical advice from actual medical professionals.]

Watch above, via Fox Nation.

(Hat tip: @RonFilipowski on Twitter)

Correction: This article has been updated to reflect that the video clips embedded above come from two separate episodes, not segments from the same episode. So Carlson’s viewers can look forward to at least two episodes discussing the supposed benefits of toasting one’s tater tots. What a time to be alive.

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