»» Columnists

Conspiracy Theories Alight Over Bin Laden’s Body: The Birth Of A Generation’s Grassy Knoll

by Jon Bershad | 12:25 pm, May 2nd, 2011

» 13 comments

On Reddit, the website that arrogantly (but not necessarily incorrectly) calls itself “the voice of the Internet,” discussions are split into various boards or “subreddits” that cater to a specific topic. This morning, in the subreddit based around US politics, a poster wrote in to say that another section of the site was the only one “getting the Obama death right.” The section in question? The Conspiracy subreddit. The reason they were right? The majority of them think the government is lying to us about Osama bin Laden’s death. Forget the birth certificate. An entire generation just got its grassy knoll.

The headlines are simple. Most of them hinge on the terrorist’s body and the government’s burial of it in accordance with Islamic practices. “Osama was already buried at sea…wow,” one reads. “Disposal of the evidence: Osama Bin Laden Body Headed for Burial at Sea, Officials Say,” says another. One questions how positive this will be for the Obama administration, writing “Obama snubs trump, AND kills Bin laden? look who is getting re-elected now. This was all planned.” Some of them joke. Others take it deathly seriously. One headline reads “Today I am truly thankful that this subreddit exists.”

Of course, you could argue that the Millennial JFK already exists in 9/11 itself. Over the years, the Truther movement (ie. those that believe the government lied about the events of 9/11) has grown vast and varied, with even a fair amount of celebrities copping to suspicions. Thus, it would be easy to think of the current rumblings on Internet message boards as nothing but an extension of that. Besides, the theory that the government killed Bin Laden years ago and was only keeping the news for the perfect moment is nothing new.

However, I have a feeling this might turn into something different. I know and have spoken to quite a few Truthers in my life and there’s one thing I can say with certainty; no one is kind of a 9/11 Truther. They’re never casually bringing it up and saying, “Hey, I saw this interesting YouTube video the other day about 9/11. I could send it to you if you want.” No, they’re staring at you with hard concentration and rattling off facts about building structure and blue prints as if your quiet response of “Huh, that is weird” and attempt to look away was actually a challenge to “PROVE THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW.” That’s because, whether it’s right or wrong, holding a belief that the government lied about the deaths of thousands requires a kind of fanatical devotion. You can’t just dabble in that line of thought. You have to research it. You have to fight for it.

Believing that the government lied about the death of one man? That’s easy. That’s the kind of fair weather conspiracy theorizing that the mainstream population can get in on. It may be all celebrations and American flags now, but wait till that next family reunion. You’ll be surprised how many of your cousins think things were just “a little too convenient.” Within decades, “Body Trutherism” (catchy name pending) won’t even be a fringe belief.

Is this a bad thing? No, not at all.

While I could go into the whole “questioning your government is what makes America great” line of argument, there’s a much simpler reason. These conspiracies merely prove just how historic last night was. There are only a few moments like this, good or bad, that come around in a person’s lifetime. And, while they’re rare enough that the country going through them may look vastly different each time, they will still always have some things in common.

Last night, I stood on a rooftop in Brooklyn, drinking champagne and straining my ears to see if I could hear the crowd at Ground Zero. At one point, before the cool air forced us back inside, I turned to my girlfriend and said, “You know what this means? You’re stuck remembering me forever.” And it’s true. Moments like last night will be remembered forever. And, because of this, they’ll also be debated forever.

That’s just life. That’s just human. That’s just history.

9/11 Truthers, Conspiracy Theory, Osama bin Laden, Osama bin Laden dead

Thelonious Funk

Why would the administration lie about his death and then risk having a video of a living Bin Laden released?

Oh wait, nevermind, we’re dealing with retards.
http://twitter.com/SailRabbits Magister

As I told a “deather” last night on Twitter, no matter if bin Laden has been long dead and his mythology was being used for political reasons or if he has been alive and living in Pakistan, either way, he was still killed yesterday.
bignosecop

I agree with the first post but WHY would we open ourselves up for a conspiracy theory and bury him at sea? Why do we care about Islamic culture in this case? What was so crucial that we had to do it that soon? It does not make sense and makes me question a conspiracy. I just find it strange. Regardless, the Prez is going to get a lot of milage out of this.
Jon Bershad

bignosecop said:
I agree with the first post but WHY would we open ourselves up for a conspiracy theory and bury him at sea? Why do we care about Islamic culture in this case? What was so crucial that we had to do it that soon? It does not make sense and makes me question a conspiracy. I just find it strange. Regardless, the Prez is going to get a lot of milage out of this.

The government is incredibly concerned about retaliation. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the danger is much greater than they’re letting us know. Doing anything sacrilegious with the body would just further piss the terrorists off.

At least, that’s my theory. I don’t have any special information. I’m not The Rock (http://www.mediaite.com/online/huh-the-rock-may-have-been-one-of-the-first-to-know-about-bin-ladens-death/).
jerrybobphil

So lets see we have birthers, truthers, trigg-truthers, now deathers. Where do people find the time to waste on this stuff.
http://twitter.com/SailRabbits Magister

Jon Bershad said:
The government is incredibly concerned about retaliation. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the danger is much greater than they’re letting us know. Doing anything sacrilegious with the body would just further piss the terrorists off.

At least, that’s my theory. I don’t have any special information.

While it’s doubtful the body would’ve received the same treatment as the latest NMA animation, the question would still exist of what would we have done with it? Pretty much anywhere we would have taken the body would have become some form of target and once it was there, what would we have done with it?
OxyCon

jerrybobphil said:
So lets see we have birthers, truthers, trigg-truthers, now deathers. Where do people find the time to waste on this stuff.

I don’t believe you!
OxyCon

Make sure you watch this for a real good laugh. The Taiwanese animators work their magic again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiDyrkU0WAQ
Paleoconservatarian

How about less care given over offending the sensibilities of those who would be driven to violence over our justifiable actions as much as they are over our unwillingness to submit to Allah and more getting those types to think twice before offending our sensibilities?

Oh, that’s right. I forgot again that we’re a politically correct culture for some damn reason.
Helix

Oh BTW, Bin Laden will be made an Islamic prophet, so killing him will be an offense against Muslims too. And publishing his picture will be forbidden just like Mohammed’s, so the US govt can’t release the pics, sorry. Better not offend those peace loving Muslims or they will try to kill us, again.
Helix

Magister said:
While it’s doubtful the body would’ve received the same treatment as the latest NMA animation, the question would still exist of what would we have done with it? Pretty much anywhere we would have taken the body would have become some form of target and once it was there, what would we have done with it?

Well no offense Magister, but although it is too late now, a lunar burial would be a possibly better option. Devout Muslims would have to attempt to invent space travel to make a pilgrimage there. Building something that doesn’t explode would be a real cultural challenge for them and would help to focus their efforts on more peaceful technology. As you might be aware from our space programme, mistakes in rocket construction tend to be expensive and messy.

As to what to do with the body, I favored the embalming with bacon grease and tenderly wrapped in a pig skin blanket approach myself, similar to the Black Jack Pershing legends.

Thanks for the NWA link BTW, liked it. I noticed the NWA comments section indicated many posters did not realize the clip was made in Taiwan.
Mia Kulper

Sure, any nut can fixate on this but it’s not exactly that fertile “grassy knoll” material, in my opinion.

When President Kennedy was assassinated it was a traumatic and instantaneous alteration to the course our nation, like 9/11 was, but Bin Ladin has been hunted and cloistered for years now.

His 15 minutes were up years ago. He might as well have been dead already. Unless he’s spotted hanging around with Elvis, most Americans wouldn’t care if his body was dumped into the ocean or tossed into a landfill. He’s not President Kennedy.
Lulany

If only we could put all the Truthers, Birthers, and Deathers into one large room and let them duke it out. Last one standing, and all that. Then again, maybe we can just seal the room.