Jake Tapper Diabolically Sneaks Haunted Clown Into Innocent-Looking Tour of His CNN Office
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CNN’s Jake Tapper has struck again, this time by psychologically scarring hopeful, young interns.
Tapper has been taking part in a series of intern-produced videos in which he “answers questions.” While some may assume that these are questions about the News Business, perhaps the horror of the political sausage factory, they sometimes apply to simple office life. But since Jake Tapper is involved, there is no such thing as simple office life. For he has injected nothing but fear and quiet horror into the workplace once again.
The clown doll is back. The definitely-haunted Ronald McDonald doll that Tapper implemented to randomly freak out his paid coworkers made its wretched debut just over one year ago. It made a second appearance this past April, likely because there was a rare cosmic event going on.
Now, as Mercury prepares to go retrograde and the moon wanes, the doll has returned — in a sneaky, little cameo in what Tapper sold as an “office tour.”
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The tour’s theme is “failed presidential candidates,” and Tapper’s collection of the ghosts of losers past is impressive (and likely dripping with scandal-ridden ectoplasm that surely cost a few of those poor dopes the White House).
But then the camera turns to the doll, who apparently has a new accomplice – a Jake Tapper Muppet. What happened to the Elf on the Shelf? Did the Muppet disappear the Elf out of political ambition? Because it sure looks like the Muppet is the clown’s new running mate. Tapper offers no explanation for the unholy union between clown and Muppet, but I suppose he won’t have the Elf on the Shelf to kick around anymore.
Throughout the tour, you can hear the fear in the camera operator’s voice, but don’t worry – their weekly stipend will cover their therapy.
But for those conspiracy nuts wondering what this Ronald McDonald doll and his apparent Muppet running mate are doing in an office full of presidential losers, I direct you, dear reader, to the date of my original Mediaite post about the haunted clown: July 21, 2023.
The day President Joe Biden announced he was dropping his reelection bid: July 21, 2024.
What did Biden know?? What did the clown know??? WHAT DID JAKE TAPPER KNOW????
Jake Tapper has yet to provide Mediaite with a comment on any conspiracies involving his haunted clown doll – or any doomed presidential races from the future that involve inanimate, anthropomorphic beings that serve as vessels of pure, unadulterated malevolence.
