WATCH: The Book of Burger Bringeth Peace To The Warring Women Of “The View”

The BOOK OF BURGER, verse two: And so it came to pass that Rachael Ray entered the studio of The View, where the Burger was not known to the quarreling women gathered at the demonstration kitchen. There was Whoopi Goldberg, the Curmudgeon; Barbara Walters the Softly-Lit; Joy Behar the Self-Proclaimed Bitch; Sherri Shepherd, Television Wife of Tracy Morgan; and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the Strongly Opinionated. And it was known that their personalities clashed and made for great ratings on daytime television, but Rachael was not afraid, for she had the BURGER to guide her.

And so Rachael stepped between the hosts and spake: “Go unto my website, and find among the video clips the recipes for my burgers. I have brought the fruits of my test kitchen labors to your table, so that you may eat of the Veg-Head Sloppy Joe, and the pulled chicken sandwich, and the Beef Wellington burger with pate.”

“But what of the Cuban Patty Melts?” asked Joy, and yea, had the Cubans miraculously vanished.

“It is a miracle,” cried Elizabeth, “for verily, they were delicious.”

And lo, the women ceased their bickering and ate well, and Whoopi did a happy dance.

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