911 Caller: Would You Like Some Coffee With Your Giant Stab Wound?

Um, this is some of the weirdest audio I’ve ever heard: Dude calls the operator to — politely! — report that he’s just been stabbed.

Operator: 911
Man: Uh, yes ma’am – would it be possible to send an ambulance here?
Operator: What’s going on?
Man: Uh, there’s a knife stuck in my chest.

Just like that, cool as you please. Apparently a robbery gone wrong; he didn’t get a good look at the guy; and also SEND THE DAMN AMBULANCE ALREADY HE’S GOT A KNIFE STUCK IN HIS CHEST!

Apparently he got stabbed, walked to a diner, called 911, and then ordered coffee. This happened in Warren, Michigan, where I now have plans to visit never. Check it out below:

BTW am I a bad person for noticing that it said “Raw Audio” and giggling a bit? Get it? Steak knife? Raw audio? Eeewwww I’m going to hell. p.s. He’s recovering, says the AP. (Never would have joked like that otherwise.)

Man with knife in chest calls 911, orders coffee [AP]

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