HAPPY HALLOWE’EN! Please Enjoy This Blood-Spattered Post

So it’s Hallowe’en, and I just realized that here at Mediaite we have a disproportionate number of horror-filled posts, about monsters and vampires and zombies and Glenn Beck. And no, this isn’t just an excuse to post a picture of Megan Fox, how dare you imply such a thing! If were were going to dangle Megan Fox-bait like that, don’t you think we would have posted pictures from our “About 800 Pairs of Megan Fox’s Boobs” post? Sheesh, what do you take us for? (Here’s the link, if you missed it.) But really, in our modest four little months of coverage (and by “little” I mean “how many Drudge links, exactly?”), we really have been hot on the monsters-and-aliens-and-zombies-and-scary-things beat. So, without further ado, I will go ahead and prove it with a quick n’ handy list of them for your Hallowe’en Pageview-Inflating Pleasure! Er, I mean, get your ‘Ween on! Oh, forget it. Here we go!

Vampires? So 2009. What’s Next? BRAIIINNS! 2009 has been the Year of the Vampire — but the Zombie Apocalypse is nigh. From Twilight to True Blood to Jennifer’s Body to Zombieland, our Jessica Gold Haralson had it aaaaall covered….

SLIDESHOW: Vampires & Zombies!…including this hormone-and-blood-drenched slideshow featuring bloodsucking studs, nubile young vampiresses and strapping zombie sidekicks in all their hot, flesh-decaying undead glory.

OMG OMG Robert Pattinson Is So Hot: Well, he is — as this poll of “The Best Twilight Magazine Cover E-vah” conclusively proves. BTW if you need more Robert Pattinson and Twilight coverage, our pals at Gossip Cop have that beat pretty thoroughly covered.

Harry Potter and the Media Muggles: This was an early Mediaite multi-post (as you can tell by the fact that we have all this content spread across just three pages — what were we thinking?) — but it remains one of my faves. For anyone who loves Harry Potter (as I ferociously do) and delights in the old “separated at birth” game, this is ridiculous fun (Graydon Carter as Lucius Malfoy! Malcolm Gladwell as Professor Trelawney! It still cracks me up). If you missed it the first time it’s definitely worth a look now. The pictures are uncannily good.

Eyeborg: “The Age of the Post-Human is Coming Soon” Rob Spence is our Cyborg Columnist. I’ll say it again: We have a Cyborg Columnist. For Hallowe’en, if he wants to dress up as a CYBORG, he just wears what he wants. Why? BECAUSE HE’S A CYBORG! Read his adventures in cyborg-dom here, at his EYEBORG tag page. Badass. p.s. We could very well also have a Cylon columnist, because according to SyFy president Dave Howe apparently you can’t tell the difference between them and humans. Oh well THAT should help. Thanks a lot, Dave Howe.

To Bloodcopy and Back: Remember the whole Gawker Bloodcopy hoo-ha? Wow that seems like ages ago.

Dr. Horrible: Here at Mediaite we LOVE Dr. Horrible. With our freeze-rays we would stop the world, if we could, so everyone could be in their Michael Jackson and Billy Mays and Slutty Everything costumes forever and ever. But we can’t, so tomorrow when you’re sad it’s all over and feeling vaguely ill from eating so much candy corn, check out our Dr. Horrible tag page to watch clips (or the whole thing here) and swoon over Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion. Also please patronize our “The Hammer Is My Penis” tag. It’s the little things.

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown: Far be it from me to extend the dominance of our REAL BIKER CHICKS post on our “Most Popular” list (it’s the Shamu of Mediaite!), but how could I possibly exclude Chopper Chicks in Zombietown? “They’re bad! They’re beautiful! They’re 8 broads on the rag!” WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE? We should also include She-Devils on Wheels in this round up, too, because they’ll mess you up pretty good.

Glenn Beck’s Powerful Vagina: This is Mediaite’s signature monster: VAGINA GLENNTATA. Honestly, this dress looks like a poster for a horror movie — even without Glenn Beck’s face! But actually, there’s a whole backstory to this, and it actually makes sense if only you read it (don’t worry, it’s all conveniently laid out for you under our “Powerful Vaginas” tag). The upshot is, it IS a scary monster, and as a matter of fact I was going to wear this for Hallowe’en this year until I remembered that the dress was $125. What-ever.

Geraldo vs. Stossel’s “Ultimate Mustache” Battle: Wait, those mustaches aren’t Hallowe’en costumes? Oops, my bad.

The Goth Women of the View, feat. Bill O’Reilly As A Vampire: You can’t make this shizz up. Check out the first few moments of the clip — at first I thought Baba Wawa was Cher…in the “If I Could Turn Back Time” video. Well done, Babs!

The Best of The Shining: What do you do on Hallowe’en when Lester Holt steals your Slutty Susan Boyle costume right out from under you? Do the next best thing: Spend a few hours collecting clips from The Shining and pretending that you’re not at all freaked out. Oh and that helps a lot when you’re alone in the deserted office on Hallowe’en Night. What am I, an idiot? I might as well be the babysitter going to take a shower. Sheesh.

Mediaite Presents: Hallowe’en Costumes Ripped From The Headlines: And now we come full circle, to the Mediaite Suggested Hallowe’en Costumes, which no doubt guided your festive choices, dear reader (we’re betting there will be photos of this eventually). I myself can’t wait to play Hallowe’en Bingo with Balloon Boy costumes (touch&#233 on this one).

Mediaite’s Glenn Beck Tag Page: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

That’s it! Have a happy Hallowe’en, everyone! Wait a second, how did that giant Megan Fox picture get in there? Ooops. See below.

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.