Paging Bill O’Reilly: The Obamas Are The Braveheart Of Christmas Warriors

Conservative über-commentator Bill O’Reilly has been fighting his War On Christmas™ for so long, the sides appear to have changed. Not only has the Fox News mainstay somehow warred himself into a surreal corner in which Christianity is not even a religion, not only did he recently do righteous Christmas Battle with formerly Republican Governor Lincoln Chafee (I-RI), but now, after years of conservative media personalities telling us that President Barack Hussein Obama is a secret Muslim Kenyan Mau-Mau Anti-Christ, it turns out the President has an army of Christmas trees that would make Santa Claus say “Really, Mr. President? Fifty-four?”

That’s right, folks, in the War on Christmas, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have decked the halls of the White House with fifty-frickin’-four Christmas trees, and yes, they call them Christmas Trees! If that’s not Christmas Warrior-y enough, the Christmas trees literally (well, figuratively) have warriors on them:

The custom of selecting an official holiday theme began in the 1960s, when First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy created a Nutcracker-themed Christmas for her daughter, Caroline. This year we honor that tradition and pay tribute to past White House holidays with four trees in the Grand Foyer. Each tree is trimmed with a collection of iconic ornaments that best represent the holiday legacies of former First Ladies dating back more than 50 years to Mrs. Kennedy. In total, there are 54 trees throughout the White House that have been decorated to reflect this year’s holiday theme.

This year’s decorations also pay tribute to our Armed Forces and their families. The walls of the East Landing are adorned with wreaths crafted with red, white, and blue yarn, and a Christmas tree decorated with festive, patriotic ornaments completes the space. The official White House Christmas tree, which stands tall in the center of the Blue Room, honors the courageous service of the troops, veterans, and military families who serveour country with pride. The 18-foot-6- inch Fraser Fir from Jefferson, North Carolina is trimmed with ornaments decorated by military children living on U.S. Military Bases all over the world, and these one-of-a-kind ornaments honor their parents’ commitment to service.

Let’s see how conservative Investor’s Business Daily columnist Andrew Malcolm congratulates the Obamas on their world-dominating Christmas spirit:

Amazing how a reelection can reshape an incumbent’s thinking about many things. Now safely ensconced in the White House for 49 more months, the Obamas have decorated the place with 54 Christmas trees this year.

Even allowing for the usual Washington excesses with taxpayer money, that’s a whole grove of Christmas trees.

“We have 54 trees in the White House,” an excited Michelle Obama proudly told visitors the other day. “54! That’s a lot of trees.”

In fact, the Obamas’ 54 trees this year are almost 50% more Christmas trees than last year. That was during the campaign before Obama whispered a reminder to the Russians that he had to be careful until Nov. 6, when a victory would give him more “flexibility.”

Now, how much carbon do you suppose those 54 trees could be sequestering had they not been chopped by this green president?

Now, it was weird when conservatives criticized President Obama for killing too many terrorists, but who saw this coming?

Malcolm is obviously being tongue-in-cheek here, but by rights, Bill O’Reilly really ought to do a War On Christmas segment focusing on the Obamas’ heroic Braveheart-ian efforts, as an antidote to the antics of hippie commies like Lincoln Chafee.

More importantly, though, O’Reilly ought to mention the bullet dodged that is supposed Believer-In-America Mitt Romney, who almost became president (not really “almost”), got his Thanksgiving dinner from Boston Market!

Go get him, Bill.

(h/t Wonkette)

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.