Piers Morgan Writes Oddly Erotic Ode to Arsenal Manager: ‘The Hottest Love Has the Coldest End’

After Piers Morgan drew the world’s attention to a certain cartoon of himself and President Donald Trump, we didn’t think he could be more enamored of another man.

Turns out he can, and it’s imminently departing Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger.

Wenger announced Friday that he will be leaving the North London soccer club after 22 years of management.

Morgan, a well-known Gunners super fan, penned an op-ed in The Daily Mail as an ode to and a retrospective on Wenger’s tenure with the club, admitting first that it was a relief he was stepping down.

“If someone had told me a decade ago that I, or any Arsenal fan, would be remotely joyful at this news, I’d have thought they were bonkers,” wrote Morgan. “But sadly, I think the vast majority of fans will today share my own sense of huge relief at Wenger’s departure. It is the right decision.”

Morgan went on to explain that since 2004, in which Arsenal pulled off an undefeated season – a feat achieved never before or since – Wenger has failed to lead the team to any meaningful title.

“It’s been so sad to see the slow, inexorable demise of our once great titan,” Morgan moaned.

But a titan he was, and Piers’ recollection of spending time with Wenger after winning the league that year is nothing short of reverent – and even mildly erotic:

In walked Wenger and his long time No2, Pat Rice.

I embraced them both like they were surgeons who’d just saved my life – arguably, preposterously, this achievement felt even sweeter than that.

Then I ordered the most expensive bottle of French red wine the boardroom stocked, at Lord Sugar’s expense obviously, and the four of us sat alone together for an hour chatting about football.

I met Wenger many times in those glorious early years and football was pretty much all he ever talked about.

But he did it with such passion and knowledge.

As anyone in the game will attest, Wenger’s an erudite, well-read and charismatic man who is totally obsessed with football.

His idea of a great night is sitting at home watching a lower league Swedish reserve game on TV.

For my part, that hour I spent in the Spurs boardroom with him remains one of the greatest experiences of my life.

I can genuinely say I’ve never loved any man more than I loved Arsène Wenger that day.

By yesterday, 14 years on, that love had dissolved into a feeling of such despair I could barely look at the man.

As Socrates said: ‘The hottest love has the coldest end.’

But it seems Morgan has made his peace and called on all Arsenal fans to band together to send off their legendary leader.

“It’s time for Wenger’s most ferocious critics like me to get off his back and say what we have wanted to say throughout these long, tortuous years campaigning for his exit: ‘Goodbye, Arsene, and thank you,'” he wrote.

[image via screengrab]