Twitter Mocks Alex Jones With Some #SecondCivilWarLetters: ‘Please Forgive My Extended Absence…’

Info Wars’ Alex Jones is paying for his latest conspiracy theory predicting a “sneak attack” uprising by the left, being trolled online by both sides of the aisle with letters from an imaginary Second Civil War.

Celebrities, media members and politicians all mocked his trumped up story of a plan by liberals to wage a Fourth of July battle against conservatives.

Even Sen. Orrin Hatch jumped on the bandwagon, quipping about his “efforts to take ownership of the progressive factions, who have come to battle ill-prepared and armed with predictable stratagem.”

The letters were written in response to Jones’ video posted Sunday, in which he alleges the coordinated plot by Democrats was in the works.

For a laugh, read a handful of the most popular letters below:

Dearest Elaine,

Please forgive my extended absence. I have been anxiously engaged in efforts to take ownership of the progressive factions, who have come to battle ill-prepared and armed with predictable stratagem.

We will be victorious.

O #secondcivilwarletters

— Senator Hatch Office (@senorrinhatch) July 3, 2018

Dear Mother,

The Red Hats pinned us down until we were saved by the cavalry: women of color on horseback charging into battle.

Afterward, despite having no horses or expertise, some of the white males in our unit demanded to be in charge of the cavalry.#secondcivilwarletters

— Charlotte Clymer?️‍? (@cmclymer) July 3, 2018

My love,

I tried to forcibly redistribute all the wealth and take all the guns, only to find that those with wealth and guns were wealthier and better armed than I. Ah, the bitter cup of irony! #secondcivilwarletters

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) July 3, 2018

My beloved Harriet —

I write to you with a heavy heart. I was gravely memed during a skirmish with a squad of Incel Irregulars. Doc Tibbens says there’s nothing for it — he will have to amputate my Twitter feed.

Womp womp — Jed. #SecondCivilWarLetters

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 3, 2018

My dear,

The war is over. The MAGA cultists are in retreat after their “dear leader” choked on his dinner. I’ll be home soon and we can celebrate our independence from the Orange Menace. America is great again and it’s all because of that fateful Big Mac!#SecondCivilWarLetters

— Ryan Knight ? (@ProudResister) July 3, 2018

u

Grandma: I want to show you something.
Child: Your old holograms?
Grandma: No, a letter.

Dear Mr. Dershowitz,

You aren’t invited to my parties anymore.

Signed,
Martha

Grandma: And that, child, is how I won the Battle of Martha’s Vineyard all by myself.#SecondCivilWarLetters

— Eugene Gu, MD (@eugenegu) July 3, 2018

My Darling, After a stunning victory at Bowling Green our unit refueled with hot cups of Covfefe. We received our updates From General M. Obama via microwave, so we were prepared for the sea of MAGA hats & ill-fitting khakis. Why have they no tailors? #secondcivilwarletters

— Amanda Deibert ?️‍? (@amandadeibert) July 3, 2018

Dearest,

I am okay. I was almost captured by a curly hair blonde girl with an AR-15. But she was just taking selfies with the gun so I was able to escape.

Best,

Tony #secondcivilwarletters

— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) July 3, 2018

[Image via screengrab]

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