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5 Approaches To Getting Trump to Apologize For Sh*thole Remark More Effective Than A House Resolution

On Thursday, House Democrats revealed a resolution to censure President Donald Trump for comments he reportedly made about certain nations being “shithole countries.”

The resolution demands an apology from Trump for his remarks, which it deems “hateful, discriminatory and racist, and cannot and should not be the basis of any American policy.”

Now, we all know how well Trump listens to anyone telling him what to do. So I propose a few measures that will almost certainly have a greater likelihood of affecting any kind of action from the president than a resolution from Congress:

1. Take away Fox & Friends.
The president is very attached to his buddies on Fox & Friends and cites them frequently in his tweets. If you take away his TV time, especially with this program, Trump may be forced to relent and apologize for calling a vast number of countries shitholes. (Allegedly.)

2. Impose a vegetarian diet.
There’s little Trump enjoys more than eating a slab of cow flesh which has been burnt to a crisp and slathered with ketchup. Though White House physician Ronny Jackson claims the president is the picture of good health, something that could help him even more is a bit more leafy greens and roughage. He’ll hate it. He might even hate it enough to say sorry to some “shithole” countries.

3. Make him wear a tie proportionate to his size.
Trump’s… err… unique tie style is a hallmark of his signature look. If someone popped into the president’s closet and made impossibly complicated knots on all his ties so that they didn’t hang down to his belt, Trump may feel too out of his element to continue going on with not apologizing for his (alleged) shithole remark.

4. Remove all access to Twitter.
This will have one of two outcomes: an apology for a suspected comment that begins with “sh” and ends in “ithole,” or spontaneous combustion. Either way, there will be results.

5. Nobody on television talks about him for half an hour.
This is a Hail Mary measure, but by far the most likely to work. In fact, I’d bet money on it. Any takers?

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.

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