JD Vance Gets Burned by His Own Braindead Epstein Conspiracy Theories
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Vice President JD Vance has a problem. Not with polls or a pending scandal. His latest issue is far more humiliating: it’s the archive of his own Twitter feed.
Roughly five years ago, back when Vance was a humble Peter Thiel protégé trying to reinvent himself as MAGA, he tweeted with almost religious fervor about the Jeffrey Epstein saga.
He lobbed barbed critiques at the “mainstream media” for allegedly refusing to dig into Epstein’s mysterious death, darkly suggesting that powerful elites were orchestrating a cover-up. “Where’s the client list?” he repeatedly asked. “Why is no one talking about the people he serviced?” He portrayed himself as a voice of truth, aligned with fellow Deep State conspiracists, who pumped out the theory that the U.S. government is compromised by an elite cabal of evildoer pedophiles.
Take, for example, his response to fellow conspiracy numbnut Jack Posobiec’s suggestion that the DOJ and Ghislaine Maxwell were in league with each other, in which he suggested that the U.S. government wanted to keep Epstein’s client list secret. For good measure, he included searing criticism of journalists he claimed were ignoring details of said list, the very thing the Trump administration is now telling us doesn’t exist.
Fast forward to this past Sunday, when Trump administration officials announced through the Department of Justice that there is, in fact, no Epstein “client list.” Not only that, but the claim that such a list ever existed was a fabrication — one that has long fueled conspiracies but lacked evidence. This is not some partisan report. This is Trump’s DOJ confirming there’s simply no list to publish.
Which makes one wonder: What does JD Vance believe now?
Because if you’re following the official line coming out of Trumpworld — one echoed by loyal foot soldiers like Alina Habba and Pam Bondi — it’s that there was a list. They said it on air. They said that it was just moments from being revealed. Bondi metaphorically waved a folder. Habba spoke with conviction. And Vance, in the past, all but promised the list was the key to understanding the rot inside America’s elite institutions.
Yet now, as vice president, Vance has gone quiet.
This is the tricky part about leveling explosive accusations from the sidelines. At some point, especially when you ascend to the second-highest office in the land, the audience expects you to show your work. But JD Vance has nothing to show. No names. No smoking gun. No secret cabal. Just a series of humiliating tweets and interviews that aged like spoiled milk.
It’s a uniquely American kind of political mortification — the transformation of a man from a populist crusader to an institutional defender, not through evolution or experience, but sheer ineptitude. It’s not that Vance has been compromised, as some on the far-right would argue. It’s that the persona he publicly adopts is a lie. The same man who five years ago blasted reporters for not doing their jobs now sits atop the very system he once accused of conspiring to hide child sex abuse. His silence is deafening.
More galling still is that the Epstein case was and remains a real story of grotesque abuse, manipulation, and elite impunity. There are people who enabled Epstein, and questions worth asking about who looked the other way. However, the fixation on a mythical “list,” amplified by political opportunists like Vance, served only to muddy the waters and provide cover for real accountability. The more people screamed about Bill Clinton, or Bill Gates, or Hollywood boogeymen, the less serious the conversation became.
Now, with the DOJ saying definitively that there is no list, Vance finds himself caught between his old performative outrage and his new official obligations. He can’t claim conspiracy without undermining the administration he serves. He can’t defend the truth without admitting he misled millions. So, like most politicians in over their heads, he says nothing — and hopes we forget.
But we shouldn’t forget. Not because Vance’s tweets are uniquely dangerous (though they were irresponsible), but because they reflect a broader pattern of behavior in American politics: performative suspicion, weaponized against the truth, with no exit strategy once the facts come in.
JD Vance once accused journalists of failing the country by not digging deep enough. Turns out the real failure was his: for elevating fiction over fact, and then ducking responsibility when reality finally caught up.
If we’ve learned one thing about this sordid mess its this: JD Vance is full of shit.
This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.
