Jon Stewart Slices His Hand Open During Live Broadcast While Tearing Into Elon Musk’s DOGE Cuts: ‘We’re Getting F*cked!’

The Daily Show host Jon Stewart was left bleeding while he unloaded on Elon Musk’s budget-slashing initiative — the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) — after he smashed a porcelain cup labeled “World’s Most Dad” and sliced his fingers open.

Monday night’s opening monologue began with a skit in which Stewart, loading up props on his desk and pretending to have joined DOGE to dig out wasteful government expenses.

Instead of slashing federal worker jobs, however, the comedian quickly took aim at corporate subsidies for the oil and pharmaceutical industries.

Scanning through a spreadsheet, the host said: “How about we just take $3 billion in subsidies we give to oil and gas companies that already turned billions in profits? How long did that take? Oh, wait. How about we just close down the carried interest loophole on hedge funds? That’s $1.3 billion a year.

“Oh, how about we stop the $2 trillion we’ve given to defense contractors to build a fighter jet that blows when everybody knows the next war is going to be fought with drones and blockchain, whatever that is,” he continued.

“Holy shit! I can’t believe it,” he exclaimed. “I just saved us billions of dollars in 11 seconds!”

“Just call me Big Balls,” he added, referencing the nickname given to one of DOGE’s young staffers.

As the skit went on, Stewart blasted pharmaceutical companies for “allowing” Americans to negotiate prices for drugs after making billions of dollars in taxpayer-subsidized profits.

“It would be embarrassing if it was a small drop in the bucket and that the American people didn’t expect that we should negotiate for all their fucking drugs because we’ve already paid for them with our subsidies! Fucking thanks! Come on!” he ranted, smashing the prop mug down on the desk and cutting open his fingers.

“I’ll be going to the hospital,” he joked, hiding the bloodied hand behind his desk.

The tirade, however, was far from over. Stewart took aim at Musk’s haphazard cuts targeting essential public services, which resulted in mass firings of federal employees — many of whom were later reinstated.

“Yeah! Fuck you, guy who tests water for appropriate levels of fecal matter! What are we talking about?” he scoffed, likening Musk to the “Nick Cannon of white people.”

“We live in the Upside Down. And don’t blame the corporations. They are profit-seeking psychopaths that need the lowest wages and the cheapest raw materials to drive their highest profits,” the host fumed. “But why do we, the taxpayers, subsidize their psychopathy? That’s the waste, fraud, and abuse in our system. That’s it. That’s what we should be going after. Not the fantastical, over-generous terrorist condom allowances.”

“We’re getting fucked at a Diddy party, and they’re making us buy the baby oil,” he added.

Broadly agreeing with the idea of improving government efficiency, Stewart offered a different view. In a scathing rebuke of exploitation within capitalism, he warned that it was the government’s role to “end the corruption that enables that exploitation” and demanded Democrats do it “every fucking day.”

At that moment, Stewart lifted his still-bleeding hand, inspecting the damage as the audience reacted in horror. He waved it off. “It’s fine!” he assured them with a laugh, before attempting to workshop a new slogan for America’s next era.

He began: “Make America Not Governed In Obviously Negative —” as the letters spelled out on the screen below, MANGION – nearly spelling out the last name of accused UnitedHealthcare CEO shooter Luigi Mangione.

Realizing the acronym, Stewart screamed: “Oh! Abort, abort, abort, I’m kidding, no vigilantes, but do something!”

Watch above via Comedy Central.