Late Night Roundup: The Hosts Mock Republicans For Holding Convention in Florida, the Coronavirus Epicenter
Late-night hosts Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, and Jimmy Kimmel guest host Whitney Cummings tackle California and Florida’s rise in coronavirus cases — the former two mocking Republicans for hosting their upcoming convention in Jacksonville.
Colbert started his monologue by addressing California’s recent spike in coronavirus cases, which led to a statewide shutdown that closed restaurants, schools, and zoos.
“They’re shutting down again. Hollywood loves a sequel,” said the host. “This time it’s ‘Shutdown 2: We Opened Up 2 Fast and People Are Furious.’”
Colbert addressed that schools in Los Angeles and San Diego will not open in the fall and have even abandoned plans for a partial return, joking that bullies are going to start asking for lunch money via Venmo.
“Also closed are all indoor restaurant-zoos, like Actual Panda Express,” he quipped. “Oh, yeah, they’ll eat you. They run out of bamboo, they move on to the man-boo.”
Colbert switched coronavirus epicenters and pointed out that the Republican National Convention will be held in Florida next month.“They’ll be fine,” Colbert said of the convention’s attendees. “As long as everyone remembers to wear their elephant plague masks.”
“As one GOP representative put it, ‘Everybody just assumes no one is going.’ Yeah, even the R.S.V.P.s say, ‘Check one: Not attending, What? No!, or I’m ready, Jesus.'”
The host added that he doesn’t blame people for being hesitant to go and revealed that party officials were even considering docking cruise ships in the city to provide extra housing.
“So, you’re in Florida, spending all day in an auditorium full of screaming people who won’t wear masks, then you go home to sleep on a floating petri dish,” he said. “The only way it would be more infectious is if the dinner was an all-you-can-bob lasagna buffet.”
Fallon similarly addressed California’s second shutdown amid the coronavirus pandemic and joked that state residents have a name for having to stay home and wear a mask — “it’s called getting a nose job.”
“Yeah, that’s right — bars and zoos are also closed,” Fallon added of the shutdown. “It’s a real bummer if your favorite activity is to get drunk and then go yell at some penguins.”
Fallon then addressed the Republican National Convention and praised President Donald Trump for at least holding the three-day event outside, joking that he decided to move it outside after meeting with his “most trusted advisers” Chuck Woolery and the My Pillow guy.
“It will be worth watching just to see Trump lap up glasses of water like a thirsty golden retriever,” he said. “And poor Mike Pence is going to be sweating like he’s sitting through a ‘Drag Race’ marathon.”
After joking that Floridians cannot read, Cummings assured viewers that she loves the state — “Not as much as coronavirus loves Florida, but I love it! Some of my favorite pregnancies happened in Florida.”
Cummings then went after people who refuse to wear masks and questioned how the issue became politicized. She then decided to do what she does best — she roasted them.
Cummings proceeded to roast several mask truthers, eventually showing a picture of a man who wore a mesh mask with the words ‘placebo’ written on it.
“I know what he’s doing, he’s trying to make a point that masks are just making us feel safe and it turns out they’re not really safe at all,” she said. “Yeah, kind of like the feeling when you date a guy who can write stuff backward in a mirror, you creep!”
Watch above, via Youtube.
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