9 Books InfoWars’ Paul Joseph Watson Needs to Eat
InfoWars editor-at-large Paul Joseph Watson confessed in an interview with Vice women’s site Broadly that he has long suffered from a condition known as xylophagia, which means he has a compulsion to eat paper.
Speaking with writer Mitchell Sunderland for an interview on the eating habits of InfoWars staffers, Watson said: “I literally eat books,” adding he prefers the “Pages of older books.”
“I have managed to curb it in recent years, but it’s still a thing,” Watson also said.
Since our piece detailing Watson’s paper consumption habit, he spoke out on twitter, establishing himself as a PICA activist:
The left is making fun of me for having a disability. They have proven themselves to be true bigots once again. https://t.co/fzyC5bPIh0
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) June 2, 2017
While we’re sure that someone as well-read as Watson is already hard at work on a good piece of literature — a nice thick paperback by Ayn Rand, perhaps? No, certainly Mike Cernovich‘s seminal Gorilla Mindset tome — we decided to help the professionally aggrieved YouTube star to be a better person. What’s more, there’s no better way to trigger SJW libtards than to eat all their precious books.
And so without further ado, presenting nine books Paul Joseph Watson needs to eat (but remember Paul, no Kindles allowed!)
1. Men Explain Things to Me, by Rebecca Solnit — This short, brilliant collection of writings by American essayist Rebecca Solnit should provide a good appetizer for Watson’s moveable feast. If Solnit’s arguments have the secondary effect of making his videos more tolerable, we all win.
2. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert Pirsig — From all indications, Watson spends most of his hours shouting at a camera in a dimly-lit room, with a battered map of the world hung behind him. A little jaunt outside for some sun, the roar of a good bike and the open highway could be good for digestion.
3. The World Is Flat, by Thomas Friedman — Nothing gets Watson more riled up (perhaps aside from treated paper) than globalist elites run amok. For the sake of tolerance and understanding, we suggest he cooks up a copy of Friedman’s 2005 classic analyzing the incessant current of globalization rocking against our planet’s shores.
4. How to Be a Party Girl, by Pat Montandon — This comes in response to Watson’s chef d’oeuvre, in which he lambasts people with the audacity to celebrate New Year’s Eve. While Watson’s arguments are usually as solid as a hardcover, we think sometimes he needs to learn how to unwind and have some fun. That’s why we suggest he get into this cut from Pat Montandon, the “queen of California’s jet set.”
5. Solo: A Memoir of Hope, by Hope Solo — Watson recently derided women’s soccer, arguing it was “not noted for its high quality.” That’s your shot, here’s your chaser: US national team star Hope Solo. The American sports star is as gifted at the art of parrying flying soccer balls as she is at moving readers to tears with her uplifting memoir. Take a bite, Watson, it’s good for you.
6. How to Win Friends & Influence People, by Dale Carnegie — If Watson has higher aspirations, dreams of making his way from Alex Jones’s dietary supplement supermarket to a conservative media titan (Fox Business is always hiring), he’s going to need to eat this book.
7. The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran — It’s everyone’s favorite gateway drug to Middle Eastern literature, and just a few bites is sure to get Watson hooked on some highly potent diversity. His favorite topic of ranting concerns the hordes of refugees crawling into his backyard, so a little exposure to exotic cultures can’t hurt.
8. A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin, by Kathy Griffin — No one was more outraged than the always steadfast Watson over Kathy Griffin’s photoshoot with a model of President Donald Trump’s severed head. It was a classic example of the so-called “tolerant left” exuding violence. But to fight the enemy, you have to know the enemy. And to know the enemy, you have to eat the book.
9. Puppies Wall Calendar 2017 — The laminated plastic is a little hard to swallow, but puppies are the perfect cherry atop this book-cake. Enjoy!
[image via screengrab]
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Follow Aidan McLaughlin (@aidnmclaughlin) on Twitter
This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.
