North Korean Press Ignores 7-0 World Cup Loss, Covers “Revenge-Vowing Meetings” Instead

No country puts a positive spin on the news better than North Korea, habitually using censorship to hide problems in the nation and boost “Supreme Leader” Kim Jong Il‘s public image. So the fact that no major North Korean news outlet has reported on their team’s devastating 7-0 World Cup loss to Portugal is nothing out of the ordinary.

The New Yorker reported yesterday that the North Korean press had ignored the loss completely, and examining the list of the most recent headlines in the country, it seems like they’re planning on forgetting about it altogether. Instead, charming pieces like “Kim Jong Il’s Feats Lauded In Various Countries,” “US, Provoker of Korean War,” and “Revenge-vowing Meetings Held” have been published.

The sense of embarrassment behind the censorship is understandable – the fateful game against Portugal was broadcast live in North Korea in an act of hubris stemming from their goal scored against commendable foe Brazil. They may have lost that match, but the goal (which, obviously, is credited to the Supreme Leader) boosted enough confidence in the team to have the next game televised live, a rare occurrence in a typically closed-off country.

So when the people of North Korea tuned in to watch their glorious soccer warriors defeat Portugal, they witnessed slaughter instead. The commentators went silent in the second half, and coverage was cut immediately after the game ended.

This isn’t the first instance of censorship involving North Korea at the World Cup – when the North Korean team was still active in the competition, FIFA told reporters not to ask players questions about politics in their country.

The North Korean press says those revenge-vowing meetings are about U.S. imperialists, but who knows – “U.S. imperialist” could be Kim Jong Il’s secret code for Cristiano Ronaldo.