This Exists: Astrologer Predicts The Tea Party’s Chances In November

Election prognostication has always been an imperfect science. But astrologer Lynn Hayes takes things to a whole new level with her latest post on Beliefnet’s “Astrological Musings” blog.

In the post, Hayes tries to predict how the Tea Party will fare in November by alternately mapping the movements of the planets, staring into a crystal ball, and fiddling with the entrails of a goat, or whatever it is that astrologers do. She begins by explaining that the conservative movement’s very emergence is the direct result of conflicting celestial bodies:

From an astrological viewpoint, the Tea Party movement in the United States is a product of the opposition between Saturn (the establishment) and Uranus (the rebel) that began in the fall of 2008 with the election of Barack Obama. The Tea Party movement culminated with this summer’s planetary alignments that I’ve been calling the Cardinal Drama because so many planets (a total of seven in June and July) were in Cardinal signs. Cardinal signs are the sign of action, and they tend to act first and think later.

So she’s saying that back in 2008, when then-upstart senator Barack Obama ran against veteran politician John McCain for the presidency, Obama represented the establishment? Unclear. The “big question,” however, is “whether the revolutionary fervor that began in 2009 and 2010 with the Saturn/Uranus opposition and continued all summer under the intense planetary alignments will continue into November.”

Sorry, Tea Party fans—a win doesn’t appear to be in the stars. “It appears to me that astrologically, the energy is not there for this kind of radical behavior to carry through to election day,” she writes.

See, leading up to the first week in November, Jupiter and Uranus will be traveling retrograde in Pisces. And obviously, “the watery element can confuse the issue and make this sort of radical change more startling than compelling.” Makes perfect sense to us.

Then again, Hayes does hedge her bets by saying that in the end, she believes “that the election night results will be surprising and cannot be foreseen by anything that happens in the preceding weeks.”

So what exactly is the use of astrology, then, if it can’t be used to predict anything?