‘You Know, Not Racist!’ Colbert Mocks Nikki Haley Campaign Launch Video’s Grasp of Her Own Bio
Late-night host Stephen Colbert torched former South Carolina Governor and Trump UN Ambassador Nikki Haley’s campaign announcement, sarcastically arguing her own bio undermined her message.
Colbert opened Tuesday night’s edition of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert with his regular monologue lampooning current events, politicians, media figures, and others. He took particular aim at Haley, who hails from Colbert’s home state, lampooning the campaign announcement as ill-timed and her campaign as a doomed effort.
The host also targeted the video itself, which notes Haley’s upbringing in a segregated city while also criticizing her political opponents for their focus on racial issues. Colbert also mocked Haley’s defiant talk against “bullies” by noting reports she called former President Donald Trump for input on her decision to run:
STEPHEN COLBERT: Big news out there about former UN ambassador and woman enjoying intestinal regularity since she started eating delicious Activia Nikki Haley. Because this morning Nikki Haley announced that she is running for president! As she said in her campaign announcement tweet. “Get excited!”
A grateful pass.
Of course, any campaign veteran will tell you there is no better time to drop the biggest political news of your life than on Valentine’s Day at 6:48 AM. Yeah. Day everyone’s thinking about something else at a time when no one is awake. Only way this could make a smaller splash is if Haley whispered it into a bowl of soup.
“Hey, hey, hey. Mushroom barley. You want to hear a secret? I’m never going to be president. Don’t tell anybody. Don’t.” Haley’s first campaign video starts with these words.
NIKKI HALEY (VIDEO CLIP): The railroad tracks divided the town by race. I was the proud daughter of Indian immigrants. Not Black, not white. I was different.
STEPHEN COLBERT: I was different for many reasons. For instance, in my family, we kept the family photographs on the sidewalk. It made them very hard to dust. She went on to toss out some classic culture war red meat.
NIKKI HALEY (VIDEO CLIP): Some look at our past as evidence that America’s founding principles are bad. Some think our ideas are not just wrong, but racist.
STEPHEN COLBERT: Yeah, she knows America is not racist. She learned that as a little girl in her hometown that was split by a railroad track right down the middle to keep the white people on one side and the Black people on the other. You know, not racist! She finished her video with a warning to her opponents.
NIKKI HALEY (VIDEO CLIP): You should know this about me. I don’t put up with bullies.
STEPHEN COLBERT: That’s right. She doesn’t put up with bullies like the ex-president. She just and this is true, calls bullies to get their opinion on whether she can run for president. Because nothing says strength like picking your bullies brain before doing anything.
“Hello, Trevor. I’m just getting dressed for school. What would be easier for you to yank up my butt crack, boxers or briefs? It’s like I’ll do either. Or I could. I could go commando.”
Watch above via The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
