Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer!

The walking dead have apparently taken over publishing (and no, I don’t mean the corporate suits who are increasingly running the show). First there was (the very successful) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which zombieified Pride and Prejudice. Now comes Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Not kidding! The walking dead are the new Hilter mashups of the publishing world.

Actually, it sort of sounds like a scene from Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure gone awry, but we’re game. Here’s the premise.

The conceit of Abraham Lincoln is that Grahame-Smith — his very name is a mashup! — has come into possession of Lincoln’s secret diaries detailing his life as a stalker of vampires. As a frontiersboy, Lincoln loses his mother to the undead and swears lifelong vengeance. A giant among men — he was 6 ft. 4 in. (1.9 m) tall — Lincoln adopts the ax, that most American of edged weapons, as the tool of his trade, hiding it inside his signature long black coat.

From there, Grahame-Smith scrolls forward through Lincoln’s life, concocting a vampiric explanation for its every bump and wrinkle. The death of Lincoln’s grandfather Abraham? Vampire. The death of his first love, Ann Rutledge? Vampire. Civil War? Vampires. He doesn’t explicitly state that Millard Fillmore was a vampire, but I have my suspicions.

I bet if Millard Fillmore had been a vampire people would have an easier time remembering him! Anyway, whatever. So Abraham Lincoln is a vampire slayer! It’s actually pretty hard to follow that up with anything equally as eye-grabbing. (George Washington, the sea monster?) Someone alert Bill O’Reilly? Oh, also? THERE’S A VIDEO. Below.