SNL’s Colin Jost Goes on Epic Twitter Rant Against Time Warner Cable
With Saturday Night Live on summer hiatus for a few months, Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost likely has a lot of extra time on his hands. So, on Wednesday night, he decided to use his Twitter account to say publicly what everyone who has ever had to deal with Time Warner Cable has been thinking to themselves.
Below are some of the most brutal tweets, most of which are funnier than your average Weekend Update joke:
The main reason I believe in the concept of Hell is because I know the people who work at Time Warner Cable will go there when they die.
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
My new goal in life is to be the Mother Theresa of getting people to switch from Time Warner Cable to Fios.
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
Hey Netflix,
Want to come over to my place and watch Time Warner Cable slowly die together?
(CC'ing Satan so he knows to expect them.)
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
When I called up Time Warner Cable, a representative said to me, out of nowhere, "I wish Bin Laden were still alive…"
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
When I asked to speak to a supervisor at #TimeWarnerCable, they put me through to Pol Pot's voicemail.
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
My #TimeWarnerCable isn't working. The box just says, "Voting For Trump."
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
If you cancel your #TimeWarnerCable and switch to another provider and send me photographic evidence, I will send you a check for $50.
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
For the record, my #TimeWarnerCable hasn't worked in FOUR MONTHS. But in fairness, it may just be tired from blowing Satan.
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
After an hour or so of this, TWC’s Help Twitter started responding with a vague offer to help, but no real solutions:
.@TWC_Help perhaps you could check in with the 3 technicians who have been to my apartment this week for a total of 7 hours?
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help especially the last technician who literally left after shaking his head and saying, "Dat's fucked up."
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help or perhaps you could talk to one of the I'm-not-exaggerating 25 customer service reps I've talked to over the past 4 months?
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help or the representative with the ID number 2254 who just offered to credit my account for eighteen dollars and seventy five cents.
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help or the 4th technician who came a month ago, tried five different cable boxes, then genuinely suggested that I get @VerizonFiOS
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help Where should I follow you? To Mordor? What's your exact address?
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help Yeah good call let's try to keep this private. (whispered) "One of your technicians showed me his penis."
— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
While Jost was complaining about the last few months of service, his hatred of the cable company dates back years, to a New Yorker humor piece he wrote in 2011 titled, “Explaining Your Time Warner Bill.” It included line items like $2.15 for “Piers Morgan’s dental plan” and $12.99 for “We’re going to Hell.”
If Jost thought he was going to get helpful customer service after that, he was clearly mistaken.
[Photo via screengrab]
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