Biden White House Resorts To Only Bribe More Effective Than Cash With Democrats: MTG Dunks

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The Biden White House had to know they were in deeper water than expected when an Obama economist, a Democrat pollster, and even the Washington Post started calling out the student loan bailout — both the election bribe aspect and the potentially devastating consequences for the economy.

Nevertheless, they persisted. And for damage control they rolled out what’s maybe the only bribe more effective than straight cash money: Twitter dunks on Republicans. A Twitter thread bashing Republicans as hypocrites over Paycheck Protection Program funds.

Point and laugh!

Caffeine and crack have nothing on the sweet, sweet succor of social media trash talk, and there’s no variety with more sweet or suck than the mainstream media and Democrats joining forces to mock the cartoonish villains of the Trump right.

Anyone who has ever experienced the heady, high-five rush of social media success knows it doesn’t even have to be your own content to work, you can get a content-high with retweets just sharing the warm glow of a wicked burns bonfire.

The loyalty and enthusiasm this creates are not to be underestimated. Nothing will turn your critics from bitching to pitching faster. Camaraderie creates comrades, creates allies, creates consensus. Quickly enough we can anticipate the specious comparison of PPP to student debt will be treated as an obvious truth and the Republicans as obviously wrong. The comfort zone.

But this isn’t a new phenomenon.

The ridicule of common enemies is as central a tenet of propaganda as proper font use. It’s not even hard to understand. Getting loose allies to circle around a target to point and laugh prevents pointing at one another.

Just picture a schoolyard. Or a high school. Or that crowded subway car when I slipped on an actual banana peel that time. People like to point and laugh. They want winners and losers, and to join the winners.

Now you’re probably thinking that’s a very juvenile, basic take. Come on, the world isn’t really like that, Caleb. You can’t possibly believe the actual White House would consider roasts a strategy or that important people are so superficial they’d fall for something so transparent. I mean, that’s asinine. You’re a complete ass, Howe. This whole article is idiotic. OH MY GOD, I CANNOT WAIT TO QUOTE TWEET DUNK ON THIS BULLSHIT!!

See what I mean? You’re about ready to join me in burning me at the stake. Because OF COURSE that works. Do you even live in the world? You IDIOT!!

Yeah, no, it really is fun.

Still, you’re right it’s not the whole story. There’s also the fact that a polarized nation full of hopped-up partisans is always looking for political cover and an excuse to ignore glaring errors among allies by focusing on something the other guy is doing.

So not just burns as bribes, but like the loan forgiveness plan itself, the dunkfest is a bailout. It’s bailing out the Blue Check horde from the necessity of weighing in on the pitfalls or shadiness of the election-adjacent, Democrat-base-targeting debt relief. Now they have a sweet alternate news cycle with which to pay bills. A loan they never have to pay back. A PPP loan, if you will: Perfectly Placed Perfidy.

Even the “intellectual” set can focus on PPP “hypocrisy” instead of the actual issue. And they will. And they are. Because this happens all the time. The thing isn’t ever the thing. It’s how Republicans are reacting to the thing that’s the REAL thing. Or it’s how Republicans didn’t react to it at some earlier point.

In Biden’s announcement this week, he pre-burned Republican objections by asking how anyone who supported the Trump-era tax cuts can have the audacity to complain about this government plan. The media ran with that talking point like a dumb kid with scissors.

Never mind that reducing the government’s take from one’s earnings is obviously an apple to the orange of the government assuming one’s debt. Biden’s comments had the hallmarks of a dunk on Republicans, so good enough. Which is the same reason the vast difference between loans for paying employees during a forced shutdown and loans obtained for a service doesn’t matter. Because … OH SNAP.

Never mind even that it’s perfectly reasonable to support any number of gov’t bailouts, loan programs, social services, or other fine programs but still object to this particular specific thing in good faith. Because OH DANG.

See, you don’t need alternative facts when you have alternative hot copy. It’s the pure magical synergy of Democrat politics and media duplicity. And all it takes is a little tweet thread with the White House account.

Say what you will about America’s news cycle manipulation, but you can’t claim it’s expensive.

But hey, don’t worry too much about this, kitten. It may seem like I’m coming down on you pretty hard, but soon enough, there will be another Twitter dunkfest to join, and I’ll be right there with you. In fact, I can hardly wait to be part of the circle.

It’s inescapable. It’s what we do. It’s like meth, but for people who say “straight fire” unironically. Like crack, but for nerds. Like heroin, but for shut-ins. Wait, bad example, heroin is also heroin for shut-ins.

Anyway, you get the point. All you gotta do now is laugh.

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.