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Glenn Beck To Middle East: ‘We’ll Help You, You Write Us A Big Fat Check Right Now’

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» 67 comments

Glenn Beck, echoing recent talking points brought up by potential Republican candidate Donald Trump during his two-part interview with Fox New’s Bill O’Reilly, is asking why the U.S. failed to get our hands on enough Iraqi oil to repay us for our military efforts in that country, and whether we’re repeating ourselves now where Libya is concerned.

Trump, you might remember, argued that “if Iran is going to take over the oil, we stay and we keep the oil,” with the objective of paying “ourselves back a trillion and a half dollars more… and don’t be so stupid.”

Beck started off by saying that, while we don’t receive oil from Libya, one could argue that we have an impetus to protect that region from extremists who would want to keep up from receiving oil from other, nearby countries.

Beck then opined that perhaps what we should have done in Iraq, instead of killing Saddam Hussein after his capture so that people would have the chance to “forget” how bad conditions were under his rule, is tell Iraqis that we would return him and, then, not give Iraqi oil to “somebody else.” Later, he asked how we managed not to at least get enough “oil to repay us for what we did,” and suggested George W. Bush was, in effect, a “bad leader” for not going through with original plans to keep Iraqi oil.

Beck took this one step further, applying it to our current situation in Libya. Why, he wondered, haven’t we asked countries in that region to foot the bill for our military efforts and equipment there?

I’ll tell you what: We’ll help you, you write us a big fat check right now. Why are we sending an aircraft carrier there? What are we doing? You pay for it.

Have a listen to the segment, via The Glenn Beck Program:

(h/t)

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  • Ardiva

    I dislike having to say this, but I agree with Beck on this.

  • Probably NOT wrong

    5-4-3-2-

  • Probably NOT wrong

    Now watch, Zackeria! LEARN sometnong!

  • same2u

    Because they didn’t greet us as liberators but rather as crusaders.

  • Mykonos08

    At least the war mongers in the past got some sort of resources their excursions….now it seems as though we do it for shits and giggles. Well, I sure as hell ain’t giggling.

  • same2u

    Mykonos08 said:
    At least the war mongers in the past got some sort of resources their excursions

    Yes plundering was quite profitable.

  • BFD

    lol…is Beck trying to START that Global Muslim Caliphate he predicted?

    ____________________________________________
    Day 50 since Henny Glenny was struck by an overwhelming feeling that Egypt is the beginning of a growing evil that is going to spread a global Muslim caliphate and with the help of the communists and progressives create a New World Order ending our way of life as we know it.

  • Hunk

    same2u said:
    Because they didn’t greet us as liberators but rather as crusaders.

    Are they not televising the “We love America” parades in Libya or are they not happening?

  • Paul G

    Hunk said:
    Are they not televising the “We love America” parades in Libya or are they not happening?

    It got pre-empted by the gay pride parade in Tripoli. HA

  • Probably NOT wrong

    BFD said:
    lol…is Beck trying to START that Global Muslim Caliphate he predicted? ____________________________________________Day 50 since Henny Glenny was struck by an overwhelming feeling that Egypt is the beginning of a growing evil that is going to spread a global Muslim caliphate and with the help of the communists and progressives create a New World Order ending our way of life as we know it.

    See Zack! Now here is a man with some real audience!. Beck can’t last long
    with ole’ B repeating this shit every time Beck’s name apearars here! This is how ya
    do it!
    Ole BFD is a frickin genius!!
    LEARN SOMETHING!!

  • http://twitter.com/SailRabbits Magister

    I grant Beck and his people some leeway because they’re just riffing on a radio show, so they probably hadn’t researched or thought the idea through, but…

    As this long thinkpiece explains, the Bush administration had designs on privatizing Iraq’s nationalized oil industry, but the Iraqi people were opposed because it provided 90% of the post-invasion government’s revenue and sabotage of infrastructure was a major form of protest, the majority of Iraqis considered the invasion a grab for their oil and forced privatization would be a violation of the Geneva Convention.

    Now, perhaps we could bill the Iraq government for some of our expenses, but we wouldn’t be able to get an enforceable judgement against them, plus they’d be able to argue in the public sphere that the income is needed to rebuild and if we had just taken it — however you would’ve done that without adequate, let alone nationalized refineries and processing facilities — it probably wouldn’t have bought us a lot of goodwill in the region.

  • http://TheDividedStatesBlog.com Publius219

    Probably NOT wrong said:
    See Zack! Now here is a man with some real audience!. Beck can’t last long
    with ole’ B repeating this shit every time Beck’s name apearars here! This is how ya
    do it!
    Ole BFD is a frickin genius!!
    LEARN SOMETHING!!

    The Situation is many times better than Glenn Beck, using your (flawed) logic.

  • Garth

    It”s no accident that the Rodeo Clown used “fat.”

  • http://twitter.com/SailRabbits Magister

    PS) In addition to all of the problems that I outlined in my previous comment, if we had just “taken” Iraq’s oil at the barrel of a gun, it seems it would’ve also caused political problems within the US.

    One, you’d have a significant portion of the electorate opposed and the easiest way for us to have marketed it would’ve been to give Haliburton or someone a contract and they would be selling it on a global market, which if not throttled would flood and would likely raise questions about “sweetheart deals”.

    It’s just unworkable and the whole thing would’ve been a disaster.

  • TeaPartyPatriot

    Anybody with even half a brain knows the “why” of Libya – IT’s THE OIL, STUPID!

    THE CASE FOR LIBYA:

    “France wants Libya strikes run by new ‘committee’ ”
    “France takes lead on ousting Qaddafi, U.S. wavers on ultimate goal”
    “Europe, not US, pushed for military force in Libya”
    “U.S. in compliance with U.N. resolution, will cede lead soon”

    Follow the CRUDE:

    France gets MORE THAN 10% of its oil from Libya.
    Germany gets an even higher percentage from Libya.
    Many of the oil facilities are owned by Italian firms (Libya was a colony of Italy).
    The US gets a negligibly small amount from Libya, but just needs to payback europe for supporting US interests in Iraq oil — THAT’S WHY THE US MISSION IS LIMITED.

    And the UK wants to kill gadhafi to make sure he never tells the full story of their BP-Libya oil deal for the release of the Lockerbie bomber.

    It’s ALWAYS about the oil.

    For the clueless who are still wondering whether the “Coalition of the Unwilling” (aka, the “Keystone Kops Against Gadhafi”) will ALSO “protect civilians” in places like Syria and Yemen, here’s the bottom line:

    NO OIL = NOBODY CARES.

  • Barack Must Go

    We, as the United States of America ought equip the rebels in Libya with ” Lawyers, Guns and Money, for a hefty fee of course, out of the $30 Billion in Quaddafi’s frozen funds in American banks.

    First off we should take half $15 Billion for restitution from the Lockerbie bombing.

    Supply them then cut them loose to fight it out among themselves. Simply level the playing field ( right out of the Obama manifesto ), then if they turn on the US, level the whole country. That’ll be the new ” New World Order “, mess with us and we shoot ( big guns ) first and when we feel like it, ask questions later.

  • Bill Huggins

    SO:

    If we didn’t go to Iraq for the WMD’s or for the oil, why did we go there again?

  • Bill Huggins

    OH WAIT:

    I get what Beck is saying now.

    It’s APRIL FOOLS!!!

    GOOD ONE BECK!!!!!

  • Garth

    Barack Must Go said:
    We, as the United States of America ought equip the rebels in Libya with ” Lawyers, Guns and Money, for a hefty fee of course, out of the $30 Billion in Quaddafi’s frozen funds in American banks.

    First off we should take half $15 Billion for restitution from the Lockerbie bombing.

    Supply them then cut them loose to fight it out among themselves. Simply level the playing field ( right out of the Obama manifesto ), then if they turn on the US, level the whole country. That’ll be the new ” New World Order “, mess with us and we shoot ( big guns ) first and when we feel like it, ask questions later.

    You smoking weed for medical purposes?

  • pinklady

    Do any of U know that Egypt warned Israel not to attack gaza again,or else. I really feel Israel is in real danger and the President is ignoring this. But,thats just my opinion.

  • notsofast

    Get Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc. he pay the tab.

  • kvon

    TeaPartyPatriot said:
    Anybody with even half a brain knows the “why” of Libya – IT’s THE OIL, STUPID!

    THE CASE FOR LIBYA:

    “France wants Libya strikes run by new ‘committee’ ”
    “France takes lead on ousting Qaddafi, U.S. wavers on ultimate goal”
    “Europe, not US, pushed for military force in Libya”
    “U.S. in compliance with U.N. resolution, will cede lead soon”

    Follow the CRUDE:

    France gets MORE THAN 10% of its oil from Libya.
    Germany gets an even higher percentage from Libya.
    Many of the oil facilities are owned by Italian firms (Libya was a colony of Italy).
    The US gets a negligibly small amount from Libya, but just needs to payback europe for supporting US interests in Iraq oil — THAT’S WHY THE US MISSION IS LIMITED.

    And the UK wants to kill gadhafi to make sure he never tells the full story of their BP-Libya oil deal for the release of the Lockerbie bomber.

    It’s ALWAYS about the oil.

    For the clueless who are still wondering whether the “Coalition of the Unwilling” (aka, the “Keystone Kops Against Gadhafi”) will ALSO “protect civilians” in places like Syria and Yemen, here’s the bottom line:

    NO OIL = NOBODY CARES.

    Why were we in Iraq again?

  • kvon

    Probably NOT wrong said:
    Now watch, Zackeria! LEARN sometnong!

    Can’t make this shit up.

  • kvon

    notsofast said:
    Get Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc. he pay the tab.

    Who pays the tab for the US overthrowing the democratically elected President of Iran in the 50s?

  • Garth

    notsofast said:
    Get Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc. he pay the tab.

    Right, “he pay the tab.”

  • slickerwick

    Paul G said:
    It got pre-empted by the gay pride parade in Tripoli. HA

    The stonings will continue until morale improves.

  • Garth

    slickerwick said:
    The stonings will continue until morale improves.

    Or when the Rodeo Clown puts on a red rubber nose and big floppy shoes.

  • notsofast

    kvon said:
    kvon says:
    April 1, 2011 at 7:25 pm kvon(Quote)
    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 3

    The Iranians.

  • notsofast

    Garth said:
    Garth says:
    April 1, 2011 at 8:00 pm Garth(Quote)
    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Barf, You are pretty as a picture and we’d love to hang you.

  • slickerwick

    Garth said:
    Or when the Rodeo Clown puts on a red rubber nose and big floppy shoes.

    You mean you have a second job? Glad to hear it.

  • http://www.obesitywars.net/ Klaatu

    Brilliant. Seriously.

  • BOMBSHELL

    Alright, listen up!

    My ol’ man–Goober Brained Reject (a.k.a. “GBR”) needs to inhale some more toluene before he can connect to the spirit world and reveal the truth about Glenn Beck. Until then, just quit thinkinng for yourselves and set your Little Orphan Annie Ovaltine Decoders to “George Bravo Romeo” so you can decode his message.

  • BOMBSHELL

    same2u said:
    Yes plundering was quite profitable.

    If you’ll take out your false teeth sweetheart I’ll let you plunder me! Ooooh!

  • BOMBSHELL

    Garth said:
    You smoking weed for medical purposes?

    I’ve got something you can smoke sweetheart.

    kvon said:
    Can’t make this shit up.

    Hey hotpants, would you like to tickle my fancy with that mustache?

  • slickerwick

    Karen McNeil said:
    Gee, Baboon. Do you want that check before or after the Caliphate that keeps giving you the runs.Again, in all his spectacular stupidity, the Baboon Beck asks the homeowner for payment to put the fire down while he brays like a stuck pig because the fire may extend to his own sty.Gotta love the Baboon’s and his mini-Baboons logic!

    Boy, you have a lot of hate seething within you. You’re the perfect poster child for the tolerant and peaceful left and I’m sure you will win lots of adherents to your cause. Keep up the good work. You make the libs proud!

  • glenn113

    C:\Users\Glenn\Pictures\foxstooges300.jpg

  • http://www.obesitywars.net/ Klaatu

    BOMB SHELL needs to work on his female impersonation. Just sayin’.

  • glenn113
  • Jaurez

    slickerwick said:
    Boy, you have a lot of hate seething within you. You’re the perfect poster child for the tolerant and peaceful left and I’m sure you will win lots of adherents to your cause. Keep up the good work. You make the libs proud!

    Don’t quote km’s posts.It’s more work to delete them. He’s been banned.

  • http://www.zazzle.com/talkingpoints NORBIT Jr.

    TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!

    Those 5th Century Evolutionary Anachronisms in the Middle East OWE US BIG TIME!

    TIME TO COLLECT!!

  • glenn113

    Donald Trump and Orley Tatez 2012!

  • Lou Sarah

    This has nothing to do with this post and I apologize because I must have missed Mediaite’s prior post on the AP poll released this week that shows “Barry Hussein-Mau Mau-Kenya” with a 53% approval rating and 84% likeability rating? Odd, because I only watch Fox News and read Mediaite and I know I definitely heard something about 42% this week?? Really weird, because you would think “fair and balanced” would cover the good with the bad… I’m at a loss?? Please explain Matt Schneider……

  • The Tea Weasel®

    One thing that Beck and the “Drill, Baby, Drill” crowd forgets is that oil is a worldwide commodity. It is bought and sold in bulk in futures exchanges, so oil that is pumped in Iraq may end up going to China and oil that is pumped in the U.S. may also end up in China. This cuts down on price swings and shortages, but has the downside of having speculators as middlemen.

  • the real john t

    The Tea Weasel® said:
    One thing that Beck and the “Drill, Baby, Drill” crowd forgets is that oil is a worldwide commodity.

    You’re exactly right. Some of these RWers think BP, Exxon, Cheveron etc etc that drill oil here in the US are just going to give it to the US. They’re in it to make there huge profits, it goes on the world market.

  • X-3

    Lou Sarah said:
    Please explain Matt Schneider……

    To be honest, I don’t think anyone could explain Matt Schneider.

  • George C

    The Tea Weasel® said:
    One thing that Beck and the “Drill, Baby, Drill” crowd forgets is that oil is a worldwide commodity. It is bought and sold in bulk in futures exchanges, so oil that is pumped in Iraq may end up going to China and oil that is pumped in the U.S. may also end up in China. This cuts down on price swings and shortages, but has the downside of having speculators as middlemen.

    That is not true and is most often repeated by those that don’t know any better . The U.S. actually sells very little crude oil on the world market . Almost all oil drilled in th U.S. is refined here and sold internationally and domestically as refined or finished petroleum products .

    http://www.eia.doe.gov/dnav/pet/pet_move_exp_dc_NUS-Z00_mbblpd_m.htm

    U.S. Energy Information Administration .

  • the real john t

    George C said:
    That is not true and is most often repeated by those that don’t know any better . The U.S. actually sells very little crude oil on the world market . Almost all oil drilled in th U.S. is refined here and sold internationally and domestically as refined or finished petroleum products .

    How come half the oil drilled in Alaska goes to Japan?

  • the real john t

    the real john t said:
    How come half the oil drilled in Alaska goes to Japan?

    Sorry about that, I was wrong. It goes to Canada.

    http://askville.amazon.com/Alaska-oil-exported-japan-Korea/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=6178388

  • George C

    the real john t said:
    How come half the oil drilled in Alaska goes to Japan?

    Embroiled in oil .

    Claim : All the oil prodused in Alaska is sold to Japan .

    FALSE

    http://www.snopes.com/politics/gasoline/alaskaoil.asp

    the real john t said:
    How come half the oil drilled in Alaska goes to Japan?</blockquote

    What does that question have to do with my answer to the The Tea Weasel® ? Answer ? Nothing . Apples and oranges john t , thanks for playing .

  • the real john t

    George C said:
    Embroiled in oil .
    Claim : All the oil prodused in Alaska is sold to Japan .

    Hey stupid, I guess you didn’t read my comment right after that.

  • George C

    the real john t said:
    Sorry about that, I was wrong. It goes to Canada.

    From your article ,

    U.S. exports 25,000 barrels of crude per week mostly to Canada not Japan or South Korea.

    You are aware that U.S. daily consumption is 21,000,000 barrels per day and U.S. production is 6 million barrels per day , right ?
    I think we can afford to sell 25,000 barrels a week to Canada out ot the 42,000,000 per week that are produced domestically (0.0595 % of weekly production ).

  • George C

    the real john t said:
    Hey stupid, I guess you didn’t read my comment right after that.

    Unitended irony , the best .

  • George C

    the real john t said:
    How come half the oil drilled in Alaska goes to Japan?

    the real john t said:
    Sorry about that, I was wrong. It goes to Canada.

    What does that question have to do with my answer to the The Tea Weasel® ? Answer ? Nothing . Apples and oranges john t , thanks for playing .

  • Sprocket

    George C said:
    That is not true and is most often repeated by those that don’t know any better . The U.S. actually sells very little crude oil on the world market . Almost all oil drilled in th U.S. is refined here and sold internationally and domestically as refined or finished petroleum products .

    http://www.eia.doe.gov/dnav/pet/pet_move_exp_dc_NUS-Z00_mbblpd_m.htm

    U.S. Energy Information Administration .

    In your reply you say it is not true that U.S. oil gets sold on the world market, but then you say it is only a small amount. Then you mention that finished products get sold on the international market.
    If we kept all our own oil, why isn’t it cheaper (could it be that it is sold on the futures market, at market price?)
    Which is it, do we keep all the oil, or is it a global commodity? (Why do we sell ULS Diesel to Europe?) Do you really believe that if the Russians or Chinese started offering $200 a barrel for Gulf crude, our altruistic oil companies would turn down the opportunity to make profit and satisfy shareholders? “Our” oil companies are international companies, selling on an international market. The reason most of the oil produced here is consumed here is simple: lower transportation costs. But make no mistake, it is traded on an international market. The oil companies lease the production blocks and own the oil that comes out of the wells. You figure it out from there.

  • Sprocket

    One little clarification to the above post: While Exxon/Mobil is the largest* publicly traded company in the world with 14 years of proven reserves, it is not the largest oil company by far. That distinction belongs to Saudi Aramco, which along with Gazprom, China National Petroleum Corp., National Iranian Oil Co., Petróleos de Venezuela, Petrobras and Petronas are all larger and are all government owned oil companies. The governments that own these companies also own the liquid assets and trade them on the world commodity markets as they please…or not.

    The U.S. does not have that safety net.

    * more or less.

  • NOBAMA 2012

    As a Marine Corps Combat Veteran, I agree with Beck & Trump.
    Muslims need to start paying us to “take out their trash.”

    Only 21 more months ’til we evict the Marxist from the Oval Office & cancel “Amateur Hour” at the White House.

    NOBAMA 2012

    “Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink.” P.J.O’Rourke

  • George C

    Sprocket said:
    In your reply you say it is not true that U.S. oil gets sold on the world market, but then you say it is only a small amount. Then you mention that finished products get sold on the international market.

    Try reading for comprehension , and refer to the question I was answering . It’s in my original post.

    Sprocket said:
    If we kept all our own oil, why isn’t it cheaper (could it be that it is sold on the futures market, at market price?)

    ? This makes no sense .

    Sprocket said:
    Which is it, do we keep all the oil, or is it a global commodity? (Why do we sell ULS Diesel to Europe?)

    George C said:
    Almost all oil drilled in th U.S. is refined here and sold internationally and domestically as refined or finished petroleum products .

    Clear enough ?

    Sprocket said:
    Do you really believe that if the Russians or Chinese started offering $200 a barrel for Gulf crude, our altruistic oil companies would turn down the opportunity to make profit and satisfy shareholders? “Our” oil companies are international companies, selling on an international market.

    Uh , the refined products derived from a barrel of oil are worth more than a barrel of raw crude . So If crude went to price xyz the resultant refined products would still be worth more .

    Sprocket said:
    The reason most of the oil produced here is consumed here is simple: lower transportation costs.

    Oh brother. Lower transportation costs are the reason that oil is refined here , NOT, consumed here.

    Sprocket said:
    But make no mistake, it is traded on an international market.

    Which is what I said .

    George C said:
    Almost all oil drilled in th U.S. is refined here and sold internationally and domestically as refined or finished petroleum products .

    Sprocket said:
    You figure it out from there.

    I gave john t the breakdown from the on U.S. oil production from the U.S. Energy Information Administration .
    Now I’ll give it to you .You can figure it out from there .

    http://www.eia.doe.gov/dnav/pet/pet_move_exp_dc_NUS-Z00_mbblpd_m.htm

    Nice speech though . You really seem to care , about what , I have no idea .

  • Sprocket

    Well George, I can tell you thought a lot about your answer, spent a great deal of time composing, cutting and pasting your answer, and sadly, failed to add anything to the conversation except your confusion.

    I’ll distill it down to one simple sentence: “Our” oil is not really our oil, it belongs to the oil companies.

    I appreciate your effort at understanding the topic, tho.

  • just wow

    George C said:
    That is not true and is most often repeated by those that don’t know any better . The U.S. actually sells very little crude oil on the world market . Almost all oil drilled in th U.S. is refined here and sold internationally and domestically as refined or finished petroleum products .

    This is your brain .

    Sprocket said:
    In your reply you say it is not true that U.S. oil gets sold on the world market, but then you say it is only a small amount. Then you mention that finished products get sold on the international market.

    This is your brain on drugs .

  • George C

    Sprocket said:
    I’ll distill it down to one simple sentence: “Our” oil is not really our oil, it belongs to the oil companies.

    Still has nothing to do with my post .

    I thought that reading was fundemental ?

  • just wow

    addween said:
    More details,
    please just browse our website Quality is our Dignity;
    Service is our Lift.

    Sprocket ? Is that you ?

  • WillP

    This is actually a quasi-sane comment from Beck. He is not trolling into the boundless depths of conspiracy waters here. However, it would have been nice if him or O’Reilly or any other Republican had such as much during the Bush years when we spent 1 trillion dollars in Afghanistan and Iraq. But, then again Bush was a Republican during a time of war. It would have been unpatriotic to have made such a comment given these facts.

  • Gorgegirl

    Let’s just say that as president, George w Bush promised that the Iraq oil revenues would pay for the cost of the war.

    I haven’t seen any of the revenues subtracted from the doubled national debt George created at all.

    Have you?

  • sootsme

    Whoa, back up. The list of those who owe the US for saving their bacon includes pretty much of the rest of the world. The fact that the US has forgotten how the FOOD CHAIN works is not the others’ fault, but I do believe that the US would be/has been a better administrator of the Golden Rule (He with the gold makes the rules.) than anyone else in the world. If nothing else, think of all the paperwork & hot air it would save if we would just reclaim our rightfully exceptional place at the top of said food chain. Of course, this would involve dropping the habit of bringing knives to gunfights, and a few other counterproductive behaviors. Our Strategic Air Command said it best; “Peace Through Superior Firepower”. Those who play win/win with sharks get to be shark food. Wake up, already!

  • Armageddon T Thunderbird

    Glenn Beck….. What a pathetic waste of skin. Still out there on the fringe giving conspiracy blow jobs to anyone willing to pull down their pants and look the other way. What a loser.

  • http://sharethisurlaboutglennbeck.com/ GlennBeckReview

    Armageddon T Thunderbird says:
    “Glenn Beck….. What a pathetic waste of skin. Still out there on the fringe giving conspiracy blow jobs to anyone willing to pull down their pants and look the other way.”

    Gee, you imply that Beck is gay. Hmmmm, maybe that is the skeleton that Beck has in his closet. No, you’re speaking metaphorical; I’m sure.

    If any President ever starts taking advice from an uneducated, misinformed, reactionary, manipulative propagandist and blowhard like Glenn Beck, then Canada will see its population rise. Probably Australia too, to get as far away from President Bachmann as humanly possible.

    Here’s the scenario: the recession double dips as multiple experts have predicted this week. Bachmann wins the nomination because the tea party/9-12er/Beckerheads dominate the Republican primaries like they did last year in DE; and the vast middle of the American voters, who are too busy to have noticed the absurd and idiotic things that Beck and the tea party reactionaries say, vote out the incumbent because that is how they choose who to lead.

    Those alarmed at this scenario need to act and start acting now to sound the alarm about these reactionary know-nothings. Help get the word out about Glenn Beck. For a half hour today, this evening, this week and moving forward routinely on Facebook and other social media, consider becoming Paul(ette) Revere.

  • BOMBSHELL

    GlennBeckReview said:
    Help get the word out about Glenn Beck.

    Dear, no one is listening to your stupid-assed rantings anymore. Just let the toluene wear off, go back full-time to your job as fry cook down at the Greasy Spoon, and quit spending half your life in the basement obsessing over Glenn Beck. Everyone knows you’re a fool.

    Great News Sweetie! I just got a collect phone call from our son BOMBSHELL JR., and he’s on a bus headed home. He asked if you would please buy him a kitten since they had no kittens available in Thule, Greenland.

    I just want to know why you put our son on a bus to Thule, Greenland in the first place. I know, the poor kid looks just like you and he has your brains–or lack thereof–but you don’t have to be mean to the boy.

    Oh, and one more thing; the picture of Howard Stern that you taped up to the ceiling over our bed has come down AGAIN! Get some damned duct tape and tape it up GOOD this time. Is it too much to ask you to do something now and then to show you’re interested in someone’s gratification other than your own?

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