This The Five Segment On Bull Riding In Vegas Is A Double Entendre Minefield

While The Five has made a name for itself as a source of intelligent but entertaining political discussion that doesn’t take it self all that seriously, the real reason it has become such a widespread success, it can be posited, is that it is has its own narrative outside of the news cycle, with complex character arcs that develop with every new adventure. Take this segment from yesterday evening, when the “straightest woman in America” Dana Perino reported live from a ranch in Las Vegas, and got some great recommendations for “massage parlors” to visit from wacky uncle Bob Beckel.

It should be said that almost nothing in this segment was not a dirty joke. It began with Perino noting that shortly before the cameras went live, there was “an incident that the liberal bloggers would have loved.” “Bull castration?” asked a curious Beckel, though Perino gave no details, instead asking for recommendations on what to do with her time there.”

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“There’s a massage parlor out there… well, you wouldn’t like that one, let’s not go there, but it’s a good place,” Beckel began, which made Kimberly Guilfoyle and Andrea Tantaros laugh nervously in the background and Perino blush. She did get some serious advice from Eric Bolling, and a hint to check out the “bacon martinis” out there from Greg Gutfeld. Beckel then threw the show to Tantaros, who “used to walk around there a lot,” whatever that means.

“The bareback riding, are you going to try that?” Tantaros asked after feigning mild indignation at the suggestion that she was a “walker” in Las Vegas. Perino tries to save it by explaining the various types of rodeo and adding “not that kind [of bareback riding], it’s very serious.” This made Beckel quite happy. “You just told and off color thing, that’s great, man!” he exclaimed. Gutfeld then told a joke about the bulls creating “shovel-ready jobs” which, compared to everything else in the segment, was rather tame, before Guilfoyle jumped in. “Make some spa appointments!” she recommended, “not those kinds of spas, the ones where they actually do massaging in appropriate places.”

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After being told not to do anything “I did at my bachelorette party” by Guilfoyle, Perino brought in rodeo champion Don Gay, and suddenly, the conversation turned to the rodeo’s “family atmosphere.”

This is possible one of the most surreal, entertaining, and profoundly human segments in cable television, because you’re not watching for the news at this point– you’re watching to see how your favorite characters grow and interact around each other. You couldn’t write a better screenplay than this. And if you think I’m exaggerating about the blue-ness of the jokes here, the video is below is proof.

The segment via Fox News below:

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