WATCH: Paula Deen’s Christmas Is Perhaps a Nightmare

WARNING: This is the kind of video you watch, cock your head to the side, drop your jaw, and question everything you thought you knew about Christmas and your life as you know it. Because Christmas with Paula Deen (or should we say, the Paula Deen Network) is sort of how we imagine Christmas on acid might be.

No seriously, it all makes sense: there’s bright colors, men in pornstaches and robes, Santa Claus-lookalikes (can we talk about how Deen’s husband resembles Santa to a T?), bacon, and so much whipped cream that it in fact doesn’t even look good anymore. The grating soundtrack doesn’t help, either. In short, this haunting video will forever make you grateful for the insanity of your own family’s Christmas — because at the end of the day, your family isn’t force-feeding you butter and shouting at you to “shut the hell up” and enjoy Christmas. OK, maybe they are, but they’re still not the Deens.

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Now we know: Christmas with Guy Fieri > Christmas with Paula Deen.

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