Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Trump’s $1M Gold Card: ‘Never Mind Your Poor and Tired!’
Late-night comedian Jimmy Kimmel tore into President Donald Trump’s branded “Gold Card” on Thursday, lampooning the expedited visa pathway for foreigners willing to pay at least $1 million and jibing that “the best people are the rich people.”
During his opening monologue on Jimmy Kimmel Live! the host branded the scheme the “Get Into America Express Card,” mocking its explicit transactional logic and its break from decades of immigration rhetoric.
“This is a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here,” Kimmel said. “For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status. You get a pathway to citizenship and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing.”
The policy, now live at TrumpCard.gov, has drawn scrutiny for both its symbolism and its substance. Kimmel suggested it marked a stark rewrite of America’s self-image as a refuge for the desperate rather than a marketplace for the wealthy.
“It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty,” he said, offering instead: “‘Never mind, you’re poor and tired. Give us a million bucks. You’re in.'”
Kimmel also mocked the application process itself, describing it as comically lax for a program promising “the most rigorous vetting that’s ever been done on new people coming to America.”
“You have to give more information to rent a Toyota Camry than to… it’s harder to start a Wordle account than to get a Trump card,” he joked.
The comedian framed the plan as quintessential Trumpism — citizenship as a luxury good. “Trump, he thinks citizenship is something you could sell like a condo or a steak or Eric [Trump] when he was a baby.”
As Trump allies pitch the scheme on conservative media, Kimmel suggested the real message was unmistakable: “That’s right. The best people are the rich people.”
He continued: “It’s what Jesus always said. It’s in the Bible. He says it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars. Rich people are the finest people there are. It’s why God made them rich.”
In a closing hit, he jokingly pitched a higher-tier card: “The White House is also planning to offer a Trump Platinum card, which is above the Gold Card, and a Storm the Capital One card. I wonder if this is where Trump got this idea for the Trump card.”
Watch above via ABC.
