Tonight, a guy who got drunk and caused damage to private property — then lied about it on national TV while tossing his buddies under the bus — tried his best to shed a tear during an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer.
The man — identified as 32-year-old Ryan Lochte — failed miserably in his task while occasionally making reference to his hobbies of swimming and public urination. While uttering the phrase, “I learned my lesson,” over and over again with nothing but cold indifference in his eyes, the man discussed how he would like to one day become a role model to children. “I definitely know I can turn this around, and be that role model for little kids,” he offered.
“I was immature and I made a stupid mistake. I’m human,” he continued, stopping every now and then to intentionally bite his lip, as if a performance coach had helped the stunted swimmer better sell his act to a television crowd.
Watch the man’s rendition of Sorrowful Swimmer above via NBC.
J.D. Durkin (@jiveDurkey) is an editorial producer and columnist at Mediaite.
This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.