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BYU Implores Students to Report Masturbating Friends; Films Intense WWII Video to Prove It

Out of all the colleges in the United States, only the Mormon leadership at Brigham Young University would attempt to turn their students into Masturbation Narcs.

A new video posted by BYU’s Housing and Student Living offices depicts masturbation as a gritty battlefield sequence straight out of Saving Private Ryan, in which only the Lord — and friends reporting their friends to school authorities — can stop masturbation addicts from being lost in the Omaha Beach of sin.

The film follows a “lonely, confused young man” who slowly becomes addicted to internet porn, while his friends helplessly do nothing. But suddenly, when the masturbation addict falls asleep after a long night of porn, he finds himself in the middle of a battlefield, full of soldiers shooting blanks, injured and dying because he masturbated too much.

“In our society, the enemy has resorted to spreading fear of getting involved when someone’s in trouble,” a dramatic voiceover continues, “and has fostered a social stigma against people who speak up in the face of evil.” It then goes on to encourage students to overcome their “tattle-tale” urges and “rescue” their friends from sin, preferably by bringing them to a bishop.

Behold, the patriotic glory of Saving Ryan’s Privates. Viewers will find that it touches something deep inside them:


[h/t The Daily Beast]

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