Trump Hawking ‘Pieces’ of the Suit He Wore for His Mugshot and Trading Cards Depicting Him As a Swole Superhero

CollectTrumpCards.com; AP Photo/Phelan M. Ebenhack File

Former President Donald Trump has been pushing trading cards featuring his likeness that made it very clear how he and his followers see him.

In one card, Trump is depicted as an amalgamation of several well-known superheroes including Thor and probably Captain America, and flaunting a very tight, superhero-worthy figure. Some might even say he is so cut that he’s shaped like a Dorito. Here is the full card, which Trump shared in a video on Truth Social and can be found on CollectTrumpCards.com:

CollectTrumpCards.com

Now, this is not a realistic depiction of Donald Trump. Even in his prime, Donald Trump was not shaped like this. This is how Donald Trump has always been shaped:

AP Photo/Phelan M. Ebenhack File

So, this is either revisionist history — those fighter jets are flying away from the Capitol, even though Trump’s supporters were seen going towards and into the Capitol — or a blatant display of mushy, adoring fanfiction that surely pleases their leader. Trump even admits in the Truth Social video, “I wish I looked as good as I do on those cards, that I can tell you. They give me muscles where, believe me, I don’t have them.” But his adoring fans are always quick to point out how masculine and tough he is.

And that’s not all! If you buy more than $4,600 worth of digital cards — that’s 47 cards — you will get an actual physical one OR (maybe) a piece of the suit Trump wore during his Fulton County arrest (“Value: Priceless”) or even (perhaps) a private dinner at Mar-A-Lago! But prospective buyers of these aspirational trading cards should be aware that they may not even get them. Business Insider reports that despite this irresistible offer of marginally real stuff, there are also terms and conditions:

In the event the Bonus Physical Card cannot be fulfilled due to an issue in the manufacturing, production, or delivery on the Bonus Physical Cards, individuals who qualified for the Bonus Physical Card will be awarded a limited edition Trump NFT in lieu thereof, as determined by us in our sole discretion.

So NFTs are like IOUs, and as we learned in Dumb and Dumber, those are “as good as money.”