Kash Patel Gets Absolutely Smoked in Punishing SNL Sendup By Aziz Ansari: ‘I’m the First Indian Person to Suck at Their Job!’

FBI Director Kash Patel got the SNL cold open treatment Saturday night — in a portrayal by actor/comedian Aziz Ansari that was nothing short of devastating.

Ansari dropped into the sketch about halfway through — introduced at a White House briefing by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth (played by Colin Jost). And the former Parks and Recreation star proceeded to lampoon Patel — calling him out for overall incompetence and reported excessive drinking. (Patel has vehemently denied that report from The Atlantic and has sued them for defamation.)

“You guys should not be reporting the lies and the gossip, you should be reporting on the historic nature of my appointment,” Ansari’s Patel said. “I’m a trailblazer. I’m the first Indian person to suck at their job! Everyone says Indian people are smart, hard-working, incredibly intelligent. I’ve proved without a shadow of a doubt that we can be just as incapable and incompetent as the whites!”

A reporter in the faux briefing asked Patel if he’d been locked out of his email account — based on an incident in which The Atlantic reported Patel was temporarily locked out of his accounts and thus believed he had been fired.

“That’s just more lies,” Patel said. “I’ve always been able to log into my email except for a brief 36-hour period of time when I forgot I had changed my password to KashMeOutside69.”

But Ansari’s rollicking sendup hit another gear when he got to the issue of alcohol.

“Let me be clear, this FBI director has never been drunk or hungover on the job,” Ansari’s Patel said. “This FBI director never filled a 40 ounce travel mug with ice cold gin and a swirl of dry vermouth and six lemon peels and called it a Kashtini. This FBI director has never used taxpayer dollars to take a private jet to fly him and his girlfriend to three different Buffalo Wild Wings locations across the country to see if they could taste the difference. And this FBI director has definitely not stood on top of a couch at the VIP room of Tao Nightclub and Asian Bistro and shouted, ‘Who wants the nuclear codes?! JK, I ain’t got them!”

Watch above, via NBC.

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