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Jimmy Kimmel Blasphemes Lord and Savior by Making Him Say Republican Quotes

Kimmel Blasphemes Lord and Savior by Making Him Say Republican Quotes

Faith has played a huge part in Republican politics for a long time, but particularly in this election, professions and demonstrations of faith have become the subjects of increasingly granular scrutiny. Against that backdrop, Jimmy Kimmel Live put on its own demonstration by having Carpenter, Fisher of Men, and alleged resurrectee Jesus Christ read actual quotes by Republican candidates.

The bit was as hilarious as intended, but for the less-politically-active Jimmy Kimmel viewer, we’ve provided helpful annotations for each quote:

“You don’t lock your doors because you hate people on the outside. You lock the doors because you love the people on the inside.” – Marco Rubio

“We need appropriate vetting, and I don’t think orphans under five are being––you know, you should be admitted into the United States at this point.” – Chris Christie

“you don’t stop bad guys by taking away our guns, you stop bad guys by using our guns.” – Ted Cruz

“Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” – Donald Trump

“I would bomb the sh*t out of them!” – Donald Trump

“When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families! They care about their lives, don’t kid yourselves. They say they don’t care about their lives. But you have to take out their families.” – Donald Trump

“I’ll take the votes of everyone who loves machine guns and bacon!” – Ted Cruz

“I will build a wall! It will be a great wall!” – Donald Trump

Here’s hoping that, in the interest of fairness, Kimmel has Democratic candidates’ quotes being read by an equally incongruous supernatural character. Maybe he could have Ronald Reagan reading quotes about immigration reform, that’d be a hoot.

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