The Wildest, Wackiest, and Just Plain Weird Panels at CPAC
AP Photo/John Raoux, File
The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) kicked off this week and a number of the panels seem deliberately engineered to raise eyebrows, invoke outrage, and inspire headlines. We’ve collected the most wild, wacky, and just plain weird panels so those of you who share our masochistic interest in observing this unique political circus can follow along for all the coming shenanigans.
In this Trumpian era — former President Donald Trump might have the word “former” in his title but his influence over the conservative base has remarkable staying power — spouting tweetable quotes and owning the libs has arguably taken precedent over less glamorous endeavors such as policy making and grassroots organizing.
The CPAC agenda still contains informative discussions on GOTV strategies, school choice lobbying, and so on, but such topics are more easily found early in the agenda and especially Wednesday, which is typically the lowest-attended day of the four-day conservative confab.
The primetime spots are dedicated to the gadflies and metaphorical bomb-throwers, the conspiracy theorists and election deniers — all culminating with the Election-Denier-in-Chief himself, ex-President Trump.
Look to the Thursday schedule for the quintessential example of this: former Secretary of State (and possible 2024 presidential candidate) Mike Pompeo and Sen. Eric Schmitt (R-MO) are the opening acts for Daily Wire firebrand and Kanye West defender Candace Owens.
Below, a sampling of the various oddities and outrages on the CPAC schedule this year. The full agenda can be viewed online here.
“The Chairman Will Serve You Now”
Thursday, March 2, 10:15 am ET
This was a welcome message from CPAC Chairman Matt Schlapp with a perhaps unintentionally hilarious title, given the allegations by a Herschel Walker campaign staffer that Schlapp “grabbed my junk and pummeled it at length.” Schlapp lashed out against the “fake journalists” who have reported on the story on Wednesday and fled a reporter who attempted to ask him about the allegations on Thursday.
“No Chinese Balloons Above Tennessee”
Thursday, March 2, 11:00 am ET
Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) promoted her chat with Fox News contributor Sara Carter as focusing on border security and holding the “Chinese Community Party accountable”…
…but the panel title made us wonder if Tennessee’s senior senator was planning to guard her state like her colleague from Ohio had suggested he would, in this tweet showing him watchfully staring up at the skies with a weapon in hand.
“Don Lemon is Past His Primetime”
Thursday, March 2, 11:45 am ET
It’s unsurprising that CPAC would take a swipe at Don Lemon, whose liberal views annoy the right and whose recent remarks have brought controversy to CNN’s morning show. But the choice of Kurt Schlichter — an outspoken Fox News contributor and Townhall columnist who wrote a book fantasizing about killing liberals during a second American Civil War — to dunk on Lemon’s far less violent commentary takes this into the realm of the absurd.
Big Tech — Break ‘Em Up, Bust ‘Em Up, Put ‘Em in Jail
Thursday, March 2, 2:25 pm ET
‘Member when the GOP supported free speech and economic freedom? Those days are long ago as we have this panel that includes Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody (R), Sen. Mike Braun (R-IN), and Truth Social CEO Devin Nunes advocating for not just breaking up large tech companies but putting people in jail…for what reason? Presumably all this censorship we keep hearing conservatives complain about to their audiences of millions on Fox News, podcasts, the top-trafficked websites and Facebook pages, and so on.
We suspect that self-described “Chief Twit” Elon Musk, who has tossed red meat to the right with his release of the “Twitter Files” and his own tweets, will not be on the list of Big Tech execs this group wants to see behind bars.
“Taking on the Swamp”
Friday, March 3, 9:05 am ET
This panel includes Jack Posobiec (the notorious Pizzagate and Seth Rich conspiracy monger), Julie Kelly (who blamed the Capitol Police for the violence on Jan. 6 and baselessly accused former DC Metro police officer Michael Fanone of being a “crisis actor“), Kash Patel (a Trump lawyer who has defended his use of QAnon slogans and may himself need a lawyer regarding the Mar-a-Lago classified documents) and Amanda Milius (the director of a film called The Plot Against the President, which claims there was a conspiracy to sabotage Trump).
These people aren’t taking on any swamp; they’re the creatures most comfortable slithering through the murky waters.
“They Stole It From Us Legally”
Saturday, March 4, 11:00 am ET
Yeah, ok. The title pretty much says it all, hmm? Never mind that if something is done legally, it’s not stealing and that when Trump speaks a few hours after this panel he is absolutely not going to agree the 2020 election was conducted legally.
“The Red Menace Comes to the Americas”
Saturday, March 4, 11:35 am ET
Mercedes Schlapp is going to chat with Eduardo Bolsonaro about this threat to our continent from…commies, apparently?
Eduardo Bolsonaro, it should be noted, is the son of Jair Bolsonaro, the former Brazilian president who has styled himself as the “Trump of the Tropics” and whose supporters engaged in their own violent coup attempt in January of this year that was reminiscent of the Jan. 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol by Trump supporters.
You can follow along with Mediaite’s coverage of CPAC here, and watch the livestream on CPAC’s website here.
This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.
