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Important: Colbert Investigates Claims That Barack Obama Is A Gay Martian

In what is perhaps the single most explosive investigation of the 21st century, Comedy Central host Stephen Colbert dug into claims that President Barack Obama formerly participated in a top-secret CIA teleportation program. In the gayest way.

Mathematical science lawyer Andrew, a man whose glasses I covet greatly, says he definitely remembers being roommates with a young Barack while enrolled in the program. He also, he says, successfully teleported between New Jersey and New Mexico, as well as Earth and Mars — the RED PLANET. Actor and possible fellow mathematical science lawyer William Shatner confirms that this is all totally legit.

In addition, author and vlogger Jerome Corsi has made the case that a ring Obama is seen wearing in photos from his college days symbolizes “women, stay away” because he was in a same-sex union with his “roommate.” Ah HA!

It. All. Makes. Sense.

If. You. Want. It. To.

Uncover the truth, via Comedy Central:

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