Best Story Ever? Police Called After Man In Gorilla Suit Is Attacked By Man In Banana Costume

video

by Jon Bershad | 12:22 pm, July 8th, 2011

» 25 comments

This is it. We can all go home now. There will never be a better news report than this one from WJW in Cleveland about a man in a gorilla costume who works as a cell phone store mascot and got tackled by a random kid in a banana costume. Amazing.

I really don’t even want to describe it. To do so would kill the joy of watching the video below. Instead, I think I’ll just list my favorite parts in bullet points.

The fact that reporter Melissa Reid forces every banana and monkey pun imaginable into the story.
The fact that we don’t have any footage of the incident and instead have to imagine it with the help of the store’s manager who acts it out and compares it to a fight scene from the movie 300.
The fact that the man in the gorilla costume clearly didn’t want to have his name out there so they just refer to him repeatedly as “the gorilla.”
The fact that the manager looks like Captain Awesome from the TV show Chuck.
The fact that they play the 911 call and the dispatcher sounds pissed off to even be hearing this story.
The fact that gorillas are used to sell cell phones at all.

If this isn’t the perfect Friday news story, nothing is.

Watch the clip from WJW below:

(h/t The Awl)

Bananas, Gorillas, This Exists

darladoon

no such thing as bad publicity
Kitsune

My spoon is too big.
Greg

No doubt a sign of the “coming insurrection”… as Beck has predicted, our cities will be on fire and ape blood will flow in the streets… the assailant a member of the “Banana Brotherhood” secretly in cahoots with the AFL-CIO and corporate hating communists… expect a link on Drudge soon to be lined up along the rash of other fruit based attacks.
Nature Freaky

Get your stinking hands off me you damn dirty ape.
LoyalOpposition

Greg said:
No doubt a sign of the “coming insurrection”… as Beck has predicted, our cities will be on fire and ape blood will flow in the streets… the assailant a member of the “Banana Brotherhood” secretly in cahoots with the AFL-CIO and corporate hating communists… expect a link on Drudge soon to be lined up along the rash of other fruit based attacks.

Wow you are undoubtedly a sad human being. You even turn a story about a banana and a gorilla into something political. Get some fresh air Greggy.
Nature Freaky

Greg said:
No doubt a sign of the “coming insurrection”… as Beck has predicted, our cities will be on fire and ape blood will flow in the streets… the assailant a member of the “Banana Brotherhood” secretly in cahoots with the AFL-CIO and corporate hating communists… expect a link on Drudge soon to be lined up along the rash of other fruit based attacks.

Planet of the Apes was prophecy.

I myself will now boycott ‘Gorilla glue’. The money spent on “Gorillia Glue” helps support the Banana Brotherhood.
Gorillas in the Mist? Sigourney Weaver was such a tool to be used in this propaganda piece!
Greg

Nature Freaky said:
I myself will now boycott ‘Gorilla glue’. The money spent on “Gorillia Glue” helps support the Banana Brotherhood.

Although gorilla glue can be used to cement one into penitent genuflection… so I am up in the air about that one…

but the mist… my God! Who will save us from the creeping mist?
Greg

Wow you are undoubtedly a sad human being. You even turn a comment about a banana and a gorilla into something to call someone a sad human being over. Get some fresh air Loyal.
bruceleroy

Greg said:
No doubt a sign of the “coming insurrection”… as Beck has predicted, our cities will be on fire and ape blood will flow in the streets… the assailant a member of the “Banana Brotherhood” secretly in cahoots with the AFL-CIO and corporate hating communists… expect a link on Drudge soon to be lined up along the rash of other fruit based attacks.

Brilliant!!!
LoyalOpposition

Greg said:
Wow you are undoubtedly a sad human being. You even turn a comment about a banana and a gorilla into something to call someone a sad human being over. Get some fresh air Loyal.

Took you 30 minutes to come up with that gem.
Greg

LoyalOpposition said:
Took you 30 minutes to come up with that gem.

Yes Loyal, I sit here dumbly staring at my screen, waiting only for your name to arrive. Once it does I call my mother and read the words to her… she then describes the meaning in a loving manner only a mother could. I then work at my long tangled toe nails with a butter knife as I think of a response, tighten my typing helmet (safety first) and pluck with care at the magic letter maker at my fingertips… bout half an hour.
LoyalOpposition

Greg said:
Yes Loyal, I sit here dumbly staring at my screen, waiting only for your name to arrive. Once it does I call my mother and read the words to her… she then describes the meaning in a loving manner only a mother could. I then work at my long tangled toe nails with a butter knife as I think of a response, tighten my typing helmet (safety first) and pluck with care at the magic letter maker at my fingertips… bout half an hour.

I think that was meant to be funny, I can’t really tell.
Just4thefax

Fact: When will Warren the Ape make up with Greg the bunny?
The Voice of Reason

This gang violence between the Bananas and the Apes is starting to get way out of hand.
Greg

LoyalOpposition said:
I can’t really tell

I know, I know….
Rescuedog2

Captain Awesome needs to spit out his gum before he goes on TV again.
Nature Freaky

The Voice of Reason said:
This gang violence between the Bananas and the Apes is starting to get way out of hand.

The Carmen Miranda gang is not happy with the gorillas.
Still a lot of bad blood over Gorillas (MS-DOS video game).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorillas_%28video_game%29
These bananas had families!
Payback is a b!tch.
Nature Freaky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncykt-YJO1M&feature=related

I used to play this stupid game.
Nature Freaky

Pauline applauds the Man In the Banana Costume.
Pauline still has nightmares about Gorillas.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Charles-Prather/100000453933554 Bone Daddy

Cleveland? Oh yeah, Gorilla in the mist!
lazzzlo

Just4thefax said:
Fact: When will Warren the Ape make up with Greg the bunny?

Classic! My favorite character still is Count Blah though.
http://twitter.com/SailRabbits Magister

I wonder if the reporter and station were playing along with the stunt, or if they were being used.
Nature Freak

Thanks to the gorilla here, Pauline is going through hell. I can only wonder what is going on in her mind. Mario is a true hero.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMMXHZ5Aqdg

Donkey Kong is a d!ck. Gorillas suck! Bananas of the world unite!
aidenlambert

I can’t believe that she didn’t mention the fact that the banana kid had friends. There was a bunch of them.
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